We had the good things, but those never seem to last

I think this is probably the most important thing I can write about on here.
And will probably be the longest post I've ever written.
So, here we go.

I can't stop thinking about it or talking about it. And I don't mind admitting that. I'm really sick or repeating myself on here, but I don't know how else to really vent about it all, since every body's getting tired of hearing it.

I used to love myself for how much self respect I have.
But now I just think I'm stupid because of it.
I stopped coming around you guys because I always said I deserve the best.
Well.. I'd rather be going through bad times with you guys then not being in your lives at all. I'd rather argue with you guys every day then not argue with you at all. Because at least then I could still say that you both are still my friends. At least you would still be around. We always seemed to work out any problems we had anyways.

Caitlin, Ramsey, I miss you both.
I've tried to just throw this behind us, but obviously you two aren't willing to do the same. And I understand why. I can openly admit that I've been depressed about this for the last two months. I wanted to meet new people, and throw something new into my life, but I never meant to lose our friendship along the way.

I don't even know where to begin..
The highest point of my life was sophomore year when we all started being friends. I loved second period. Going to Ramseys house with Caitlin and laying there, being lazy, falling asleep sometimes, and talking about how we didn't want to go to our next class. We always ended up going though. We'd just anxiously wait for the next second period. We never did anything exciting, yet we'd always seem to make it enjoyable. When Caitlin first introduced me to Ramsey I knew we were gonna be good friends. He reminded me of Justin. And Justin was my best friend until he moved. And I was right. I ended up feeling exactly the same about our friendship as I did with mine and Justins.

We used to all drive around really fast and really late. I always loved the music we'd play in the car, but it's hard listening to those songs now. We'd always end up at Caitlins dads house. There has been so many good times at her dads house. I loved the night me, her and Ramsey watched the Blair Witch project and got all freaked out afterwards. Hahahah and how Caitlin layed on her bed with her cross because of it.

The night when ramsey let us drive his car in the Safeway parking lot, the time I started saying creepy things in my sleep in Caitlins living room, how terrible I was at playing pool when we went to her moms house.

There was so many times where Caitlin and I would say the same things outloud. We used to always say to each other, "Get out of my head!" It was really like we shared the same brain. We could talk to each other with out even.. saying anything at all.

Ramsey would always give me a ride home at the end of the night. And we'd usually always sit in the car for a couple hours and just talk about shit. I remember one time we were talking about how many friends we've lost and he said, "When I stop being friends with someone, you have to do something really extreme, something that really pisses me off, for me to stop talking to you. Basically, I'm planning on sticking with you and Caitlin until you both get sick of me." and I told him that I know we'll all stay friends, there would be no reason for us not to.

So now I'm just wondering where we went wrong. Where I went wrong.

The memories that are attached to me the most, are the ones from this summer. Our road trips to the lake, and our late night fires at Jacobs house. The last fire I remember us having was at Ramseys. And I really loved that night. And the last time I remember us actually hanging out was the night we watched children of the corn at Ramseys house. Also a bad ass night. Ha!

I don't wanna forget about any of these times. It seems like I'm having a hard time remembering all the great things we used to do, since I've been blocking it out too much lately.

I always felt infinite when I was friends with you guys.
I never wanted to party to have a good time, because we never needed that to have a good time. And I never really thought about opening up to new people, because you guys were enough for me.

So, what has my pride done to me?
Is anybody going to be good enough for me?

Tonight I cried for this first time since.. I don't even know when.
And I don't really like admitting that..

I miss you guys more than anything.
I want our friendship back more than anything.
I wanna know what it's like to be able to trust anyone again.
And I really wish that you guys looked at my blogspot. Because I really wish you could read this.

I don't think I'm brave enough to talk to you about it.
I'm not brave enough to hear you're response..

But overall, thank you to both of you for showing me the best times of my life.
You guys are still soooo important to me. And I hope you know that.