Sunday, August 31, 2008

We used to roll the windows down, and play the music loud

I'm listening to all the songs we used to listen to.
It's kinda strange how listening to them really makes me remember all the feelings I used to have for you. And they were consistent feelings that lasted for a couple months. It's weird how different I see you now. It's weird how different you are now.

I remember the night you came over to my house and watched movies with me, and I never really wanted you to go home. That's probably the last time I remember actually liking you.

I sort of had to make myself stop liking you when you let yourself slip away.
I wish I still saw you the same.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Well, I have locked my actions in the grooves of routine.

Everything has turned around, and for the better.
I've been having so much fun lately. I just wish I started this earlier.

I had a long talk with my dad today and he was telling me how it feels like anytime I talk to him I just ask for money. (Even though it's money he owes me for working for him) but that's not the point. He said, "Even though I owe you the money, you don't have to ask me for it immediately every time you see me." He said he wants me to actually try and start conversations with him more often. I guess this is all a big change for him. He liked me being at home with the family a lot this summer, and now that I've been out every day, he thinks I'm going to get back in the routine of constantly being on the go. But I really can't do that anymore. I don't have the energy to do that anymore. Having one lazy day out of the week IS okay. And I'm just starting to realize that.

He told me, "I'm worried you're starting to find happiness in things that won't really make you happy in the end."


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

House Of Cards

I like you.
But shoot, you're already taken.

I think everything about you is great.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Just one second

It's so strange that I ran into you today.
And it's strange that I wouldn't of ran into you if I had left my house just a couple seconds later.

When I left my house and started walking towards dari mart to get my sierra mist, I realized about ten seconds after I left that I forgot to lock the door, so I went back and locked it, and then kept walking. But right once I entered the parking lot, you were just getting into your car. I never saw you, but you saw me. I was sort of freaked out when someone yelled my name. But I was so shocked to see it was you. The last time I saw you was when I was seven years old. Or around there. It wasn't awkward at all. In fact, it was really nice talking to you.

The weird thing is, you were just about to shut your door and drive off.
That ten seconds that it took me to go back and lock the door, lined everything up.
I think if I never came into the parking lot at that second, I never would of talked to you today. Basically, if I left just a couple seconds later, you would have already driven off. And if I would of left earlier, I probably would of walked right past you in Dari Mart.

I'm so glad I saw you. I've been waiting to talk to you for years.

This whole thing just proves how time works everything out.
Everything is connected by time. One second can change everything.

"I'm probably over thinking this whole situation."
"You are."


Friday, August 22, 2008


I worked all day for my dad.
And I've been making a lot of money.
But I know that I'm just gonna spend it all so quickly.
I don't know how to save my money and it's starting to worry me. I haven't put money in my bank account for months, maybe even a year.

I guess I should work on that.

I got in an argument with my dad while working, and ending up storming out and leaving. I went over to Hilary's and listened to music for a while. And right once I was gonna leave, my dad called and said sorry. He gave a pretty good apology, so I forgave him.

I think he's finally understanding how much I care for my family lately.
I've spent so much time with him and susan this summer. More than I ever have. Whenever my plans don't work out, I go with them to dinner, or go work with them.
That fortune cookie was right, "Family will become your main priority this year."

But it's getting old.

Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna start making, and following through on plans with my friends.

Monday, August 18, 2008

You always go back to your roots

I look for people that can bring me some adventure
and some people that can show me some good times,
and give me something new.

but when it all comes down to what I really want,
I just want to stick with people that I find comfort with

That's all I really need in a person..

It Means Nothing

I wanna come back home. More than anybody knows.
I mean, the reason I came back early this summer was because I wanted to spend time with friends. I pictured coming back and being busy every single day like I used to be. Never stopping. Always on the go.

Fuck, that's not even how it is.

This summer has been the slowest summer I've ever had.
And I hate admitting that, because knowing that I COULD be in Idaho right now, but I'm not, makes me sick. I always think about it at night, which is one of the reasons I don't sleep anymore.

Everybody works,
Everybody is busy,
I can never get a ride into town,
Nobody wants to come pick me up,
When I do get a ride it's too late to hang out.

And when the plans do work out, I'm too lazy, or I flake out, or I slept away the day because I was up all night the night before. This isn't how summer should be. It has never been like this for me. I've had some good times this summer, but not enough. It's time I get off my ass, stop complaining, stop thinking about how I could of stayed longer, and go out and enjoy my time.

I'm driving myself crazy.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

The Loving Sound of Static

Congratulations, you became everything that you never wanted to become.

What the hell are you doing?

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Frivolities aren't frivolities when you don't have them

This weekend has proved I don't know how to survive, make plans, or leave my house with out my cell phone.


*thumbs up*


I don't sleep.

Every night I'm up until 4:00 in the morning.
Sometimes even later than that.
When I sleep I feel like I'm missing out on something, or wasting my time.
Which is ridiculous. Because what am I gonna do at 4:00 in the morning? (Besides three way calls with Steph and Andrew)

The truth is, I don't even get tired. I don't go to bed because I'm tired. I have to make myself go to bed. When it rolls around 4:00 I say, "Well I'm up this late, I might as well stay up.."

And it throws me off the next day, which sucks.
I wake up really early, or really late. And then I'm exhausted for the rest of the day. It's like I'm more awake at night then I am at day.

I've been at home too much lately. I've been around my dad too much lately.
I'm so tired of everyone having jobs. I'm gonna get the application for The Wind-Up Bird Cafe tomorrow and apply there.

Tomorrow hopefully I'll actually be able to get out and do something.

I really need to get out of this house.
And the funny thing is, I've only been here for two days.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Desolate, empty, distracted, and wrong

the people we love are the people we hurt