Sunday, September 30, 2007

Once again

I'm sorry if I have been letting people down by the decisions I've been making, and by the change that I've made, and by the way I've been acting. I'm done with denying it. I have changed. There you go. I'm getting older. The things that interest me aren't the same as they used to be. But I promise I'm still the same old Michael. I really wish people would give me a chance to explain myself. Lately I feel like I have been holding in way too much. I honestly just want to get all of the people that are mad at me, all the people that are worried about me, and all the people I care about, and put them in one room, and let me have a talk with all of them.

I feel like I'm starting to fall behind with my friends. I'm not fulfilling their needs. And I'm not spreading out my time with them well enough. So much has been on my mind lately. It's scary. And I know it's scary for you guys too. This really isn't how I planned to start this year.

The past three weeks my days are really good, and then I get home, and at night I really start to think. About everything that's going on right now. Recently I've had so many emotions bottled up. I've been feeling regret, and worry, and fear, and I hate it. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW. That's all I want. Just a constant happiness. Right now I'm happy but I keep going through these rough patches in between that weakens my happiness. I don't want those rough patches. But I guess I've been kind of making them happen myself. I keep screwing everything up. Everyone around me, everyone that cares for me is just waiting for me to just be happy. And waiting for me to just be myself.

I'm sorry but right now, I don't think I really know when I'm 'happy'
and I'm trying to put 'myself' together. I'm building my personality. And trying to fix the flaws in myself.

Please don't think that you guys are starting to lack importance to me. All of you are all so important to me. You know who you are. Thank you so much for being patient while I pull myself together. I couldn't ask for better friends then you guys.

I'm just constantly worrying about every single one of you. And losing you guys.

The perks of being a wall flower

"You know, a lot of kids at school hate their parents. Some of them got hit. And some of them got caught in the middle of wrong lives. Some of them were trophies for their parents to show to the neighbors like ribbons or gold stars. And some of them just wanted to drink in peace. For me personally, as much as I don't understand my mom and dad, and as much as I feel sorry for both of them sometimes. I can't help but love them very much."


"I look at people holding hands in the hallways and I try to think about how it all works. At school dances, I'm in the background, and I tap my toe, and I wonder how many couples will dance to 'their song.' In the hallways, I see girls wearing the guys jackets, and I think about the idea of property. And I wonder if anyone is really happy. I hope they are. I really hope they are."

"Do you always think this much charlie?"
"Is that bad?" I just wanted someone to tell me the truth.
"Not necessarily. It's just that sometimes people use thoughts to not participate in life."
"Is that bad?"
"I think I participate though. Don't you think I am?"
"Well are you going to these dances?"
"I'm not a very good dancer."
"Are you going on dates?"
"Well I don't have a car. And The girl I like is too old for me."
Bill smiled and continued to ask me questions. Slowly he got to "problems at home." And I told him about the boy who makes mix tapes for my sister. And how he hits her. And she told me not to tell mom or dad about it. But I figured I could tell Bill. He got this very serious look on his face after I told him and he said something to me I don't think I will forget this semester, or ever.
"Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve."


Patrick started driving really fast. Sam was standing in the bed of the pick up truck. And just before we got to the tunnel, Sam stood up, and the wind turned her dress into ocean waves. When we hit the tunnel, all the sound got scooped up into a vacuum, and it was replaced by a song on the tape player. A beautiful song called "Landslide." When we got out of the tunnel Sam screamed this really fun scream, and there it was. Downtown. Lights on buildings and everything that makes you wonder. Sam sat down and started laughing. Patrick started laughing. I started laughing. And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

"Take my advice. Stay away from broken people"

You know I'm happy and you hate it. Your group should be happier without me. At least it seems like that's how it will be. I was never really important to you guys. Your blog made me feel sick last night. Scratch that. I did get sick last night.

I really don't want this to happen to us. We're giving up something great. But whatever. I've lost all inspiration to fix things.

"I never did anything to you"

That's one thing you never knew how to do. Admit your own faults.

I'm slowly learning to keep myself away from damaged people. Just like I've been told to do.

There's no 'i' in team

"If we go down, we go down together. Best friends means. Best friends means. You never knew. Well I never told you. Everything I learned about breaking hearts, I learned from you. I've never done it with the style and grace you have. But I've made lots of plans. Based on these mistakes"

Friday, September 28, 2007

I have to block out thoughts of you. So I don't lose my head

I do miss you. I always will. I love you to death. And you've showed me so much. You've taught me so much. I wish we could both change. I wish we didn't argue all the time. But we do and there's really nothing we can do about it. I don't think you're willing to change for me.

When I think about it. We've been arguing since the starting of Summer till now. So obviously you can understand why I'm so fed up with this all. This is my last blog that I'm going to write about you because I'm sick of writing about the same thing over and over again.

You sent me a text saying "I want things to be better" you don't know how happy I was when I got that. It all kind of went downhill after you starting throwing things in my face about what I do wrong. And how I get mad about the stupidest things. LETS GET THIS CLEAR. I AM NOT MAD ABOUT MY NIKE'S. LMAO. I just thought that was funny. Completely doesn't relate to why I've been mad at all.

Whatever. I'm just being "A broken record" right?
We both cared so much for each other. It's terrible seeing us throw this away. But I don't even know what to do. I guess the fun we had just started to come to an end. And neither of us wanted it to happen. I want us to be cool. I don't want you to hate me. I don't hate you. I love you to death. It's just too hard to be your friend. I don't know if I'm going to regret this later on. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. Everybody says I am. But I can't listen to anybody else right now.

All I know is tonight you said things to me I never thought you'd say. Even after you said you wanted to fix things.

"Don't say you miss me after this"

Well I miss you. I guess we'll just see where this goes from here.
Just know that you have changed me and shaped me into the person that I am right now. You've made such a big impact on me. I will NEVER forget you. No matter what.


I think that this weekend will be good

I have a lot of good plans


I'm pumped up. Expecially for tonight. The girl next to me in photshop laughs at everything : /

And she likes to say
"I'm so special"
"I'm just cool like that!"
"That's amazing"


I have no $$$
I don't know if Chelsea and Natahsha are still coming over after school. I'm excited for fourth period today. Every day is a good day because of free fourth. I don't want to do photoshop projects. I think I'm going to read my book. Or do some of my math homework.

I used to be so happy when I watched this video:



Thursday, September 27, 2007

This is an update

I don't know what I want. And I don't know what I need.

I don't know if my last blog was me being stupid, or me actually realizing the truth. I miss you guys so much. I hate that you guys think I'm so content about this all. I'm not. I'm really happy right now. But at the same time I am not the same person without you guys. Every time I see you guys together it's weird that I'm not there with you. I think about it every single day. All of the time.


I know I sound like a broken record.

I really don't even know what to do at this point. I don't want to let you guys slip right past me. But to be all the way honest, I've been able to actually put together my life and find what makes me happy ever since we put this distance between us. I don't even know what to say. I've said this in all of my other blogs. I've said these things to you guys so many times. But I just don't think that it's getting through to you.

I keep typing things and then deleting them because I really am running out of words. I've said all that I can say. I should say more but I've said it enough. I should do more, but I've done it enough.

I want you guys back in my life more then anything. But I want to know that you guys are actually there for me. And I want you guys to realize that just because I make new friends doesn't mean I'm saying I don't want you guys around anymore. I'm done. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'll probably have so much more to say tomorrow. But I need to get this off of my mind.

I was just with you guys in the library

And I found myself getting REALLY annoyed.

All three of you are like, clones. That's the thing that has always bugged me. You guys all have the same voice, personality, everything. There's absolutlely no individuality in that group.

The first thing she said when I came into the library "Wow I can't believe you ALREADY got your nikes dirty. Wow." You guys make it seem like looks are the most important thing ever. You always have. I don't give a damn how dirty my nikes are. LMAO. I like them messy. Even though they're not even that messy. They're just not pure white. So just be quiet.

I also got upset when you guys made a big deal about Ariel coming with me and andrew to the game. You guys treated it like it's such a big deal. So I said "You guys.. why can't you hangout with all of us? It would be fun. Can't you guys open up to other people outside of your 'gang' seriously"

I really did mean that. You guys act like it can only be you four sometimes. This isn't me talking bad. Or trying to DISS you on the internet. I'm just venting. Also when Jimmy was making fun of Chelsea Hunt. Don't ever do that again. I know you weren't being serious but it still pissed me off. Nobody talks bad about my friends. I always stood up for you. So I'm going to stand up for her. I left the library BECAUSE you said that.

You guys always say "You treat your new friends better then you ever treated us."
Yeah because they actually treat me like a human being. You guys have done a lot for me, but it's never enough. When friends are nice to me, and care for me, and SHOW that they care for me, I pay it forward. Mabye if you guys weren't so harsh towards me I would do the same for you.

I'm sick of this.
Rayven, I love you to death. The way you act lately just isn't the Rayven that I know. Jimmy I want you to grow up. You're seriously the most fun person to be around when you're actually being nice. But NOBODY wants to hear your insults, or your constant bad attitude. I guess this is the way you've always been and you really aren't going to change. I just wish you would.

I miss hanging out with you guys.
You wanted me to hangout during fourth but if it's going to be anything like it was this morning in the library I'd rather not be there. I'm so tired of getting excited, thinking you guys made change, and thinking that you guys are going to be better friends to me. I know I have to put an effort to hangout with you guys, but I don't know.. I JUST WANT THINGS BACK TO NORMAL. Back when I never had reasons to get mad at you. Back when all we did was have fun. Now, it seems like you guys are just constantly letting me down.

I'm not saying I'm perfect to you. It probably seems like I'm not even making an effort to hangout. But this morning when I hungout with you guys in the library you said. "Are you here because you had nobody eles to hangout with?" Whatever. I was there because I wanted to hangout with you guys. It's not like you guys are my BACK UP FRIENDS.

I've come to the conclusion that Rayven, you're the most fun, and the nicest, and so funny, when you're not around them (Jimmy and Angela). I don't know.. you guys kind of change when you're all together. God damn it this sounds like I'm talking bad about you guys. I'm really not. Jimmy and Angela and Rayven you guys all have your REALLY great sides. Do you see how back and fourth I am with my emotions towards you guys? It's the most confusing thing ever.

I think I kind of just got sick of the repetition of the group. Since you guys all act SO much alike. All say the same type of things. You all get SO serious about some stuff. I don't know. It got so boring. SO old.

I don't even know what to say right now. I'm getting all mixed up and I can't really put my thoughts into words. I'm done. I need to finish my project in photoshop.


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I can tell when

People are starving for attention.
And do not expect me to give you it. Because I won't.

I'm getting off right now so I can get caught up.
Emiley will be proud if she reads this.

I CAN NOT STAND HEARNING MY STEP BROTHER PLAY THE PIANO. EVERY NIGHT. I'm about ready to go out there and burn the thing!

I'm such a happy person.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


I'm not getting on myspace as much. I'm getting tired of wasting time on there. I'll still get on at night. Just not right after school. Feel free to still leave stuff. I'll reply that night probably.

I don't feel very good today. Once again. I'm supposed to go to the doctors around five. I don't even know what's wrong. I'm sick of being sick.
I'm annoyed by a lot of people right now. I've just been in such a bad mood this week. My days have been good, but they're all the same. I'm sick of this repetition. I want something different, something exciting to happen. But other then that, everything is just right


Monday, September 24, 2007


I'm actually going to get back on track in school. I just finished all my projects in photoshop so I'm just sitting here thinking about how much I put stuff off. You know what's sad? This is like, the third week of school or something and I already have missing work. PATHETIC! I come home some days, and other days I'll just go hangout with friends right after school. But if I do come home right after school, I still never go straight to homework. I talk to friends, I get on MySpace, and then I usually call Rayven or find something else to distract me. And then I say "I'll just do it tomorrow morning." which leaves me tons of work to do the next day.

I love the feeling of being on top of all of my work. Having it all done. It makes me feel so accomplished. I want to have that feeling more often


When I get home I'm going straight to homework. I'm turning off my phone. I'm turning off my computer. And I'm going to work.

: /

When I was sitting by you today I couldn't help but notice how snappy you are towards me and other people. You're such a good friend. But it STILL really annoys me. There still is no change in you.

I know everybody has room for change. I do too. I just wish you could be A LITTLE nicer somtimes.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

I'm really tired of my dad

being a jerk to me and then saying

"Oh Michael. Stop complaining."

And then when I get mad at him he blames it on my age.
"Oh.. you just get mad at me because you're in your teenage years. And every thing's a big deal then"

NO THAT'S NOT IT DAD. I just would like you to follow through with what you say. For once. My god.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


"I'm sure you're a really great person. But right now you're even driving me insane. And I'm sick of seeing her crying."

I take all of that back. I don't think your a good person at all. You think you're the greatest person to walk this earth since you fought Garret. You made her cry ONCE again. Which doesn't suprise me. I'm glad you're out of her life.


I'm so sick today. It's terrible. I'm in a lot of pain. I wish I went to school though. I hate missing it. And I HATE missing free fourth period. I'm getting a hamster tomorrow I think :D

Goodbye my friendzz. Allison, you're a bitch to me now. Bye.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

You're driving me insane

I hate how you treat her. I hate how much you bring her down. I hate how you say you love her and need her when you're the one that decided to call it off. She's one of my best friends and I'm sick of seeing her hurt. Like she doesn't have enough on her mind already? Please just give her a break. I hate how paranoid you are. Constantly asking what guys she has been hanging out with lately. I'm sure you're a really great person. But right now you're even driving me insane. And I'm sick of seeing her crying.

BOO! When you bring her down, it brings me down. Stop it Stop it Stop it. I want her to be with a guy that makes her happy so I can see her smile again. And don't you ever doubt that she doesn't love you. You clueless fool.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Photoshop period one


I'm bored and writing in photoshop
Uhm, I just made this


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I kind of did a bad job on the sky. And there's just a random pole sticking up. But I think I did good on the garbage can. Haha. I was going to sleep in today and kind of skip first and second period : /

But my dad called and hes like "Are you on the bus on the way to school?" and I'm like "UHM, YEAH" I was really sleeping in bed. And then he's like "well I have the day off so I'm on my way home. Have a good day." And so I told him I missed the bus and he gave me a ride to school. He was mad. But I don't think he is anymore.

I'm supposed to go with a lot of people tonight. But Lupe's party is tonight and I hope I'll be able to do both : /


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Sitting in photoshop


I always finish the projects really quick and then I have nothing to do. I FINALLY got some sleep. I went to bed las night at 8:30 I passed out in my chair while reading the driving manual. I'm going to TRY and get my permit by the end of this month.

I'm photoshoping a picture for allisooon

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


If you're a friend of mine. And you've noticed a little bit of change in me recently. I'm sorry. A loooooot of things have been on my mind. Sorry if I haven't been as fun, or if I seem a little distant. I'm kind of just trying to get back up on my feet again right now. It shouldn't take too long. Don't take the way I've been acting personally. And dooooon't worry. I'll be just FINE.

Thank you

I'm sitting in photoshop

First period

and I'm sosoososooooo bored. I feel sick. Maybe this room is just too hot. But I'm burning up. Hmm.. I'm really tired too. I need to start going to bed earlier. I can't even fuction during the day anymore I'm so.. Blah now. OH OH I dropped my fourth period so now I have free fourth with Caitlin and Chelsea just like freshman year. I went to Tasha's house last night with Austin. We were only there for an hour and watched Bat Man haha. I think I'm going to lunch with her after second period

We're supposed to photoshop our face onto a dollar bill in a little. Okay class is over. Bye

Monday, September 10, 2007

I won't let myself forget it

I have so many things in my life that I should be grateful for. I have such a good life. I have good people in it. I have people I can turn to. But honestly, I'm not that happy. I don't really have true happiness right now. It's not easy just being torn away from somebody so quickly out of no where. It's not even real to me right now. I haven't accepted the reality.

I'm mad, and scared. I'm tense, and annoyed. I'm full of guilt and disgust. I'm losing my head. I can't stand this. I really should be the happiest person on this planet right now. I'm so back and fourth. It seems like every time I ACTUALLY reach the point of happiness something happens to ruin it. It happens every time. I'm almost afraid to let myself be happy because I feel like no matter what, there's always something there to bring me down. I'm sick of losing people in my life. I don't understand what I do wrong. I don't understand why I can't keep a decent friendship. People always tend to walk in and out of my life. I'm sick of that. I want people that stay. I want somebody that will be my friend no matter what happens. It seems like we all just jump from friend to friend. I hate that thing that some people will do where they have a 'best friend' and then the next week they hate each other, they forget all about each other, and they find someone new. It's so, fake. I can't do that. When someone important to me walks out of my life I don't forget about it. Ever. I never CHOOSE to stop being friends with somebody. I guess it just, happens. I'm sick of sitting around complaining about it. But there's nothing I can do. I can't forget it. I don't know how long it will take me to forget it. When me and Justin started to stop being friends it took me about a year to actually accept the fact that we're no longer as good of friends as we used to be. That's seriously how I am. I get so damn attached to people. It's a insecurity of mine kind of. The way I cling to people seems like it's annoying. I can't help it though. You might not even notice how much I cling to you. But if you're someone important to me, I'm automatically attached.

People are telling me I need to move on, and I need to do this for myself. The thoughts of you not being around anymore echoes in my head over and over. (OH MY GOSH I SOUND EMOOO)

Nobody even gets how hard this is for me.
I feel so abandoned. I know you probably do too. Maybe this is something we both need to do. For ourselves.

I just don't want to forget it. And don't want to forget you

: /

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Please don't think that this has been easy for me

Because it hasn't. I didn't want this to fall apart. I didn't want us to drift away from each other. But it's happening. Right in front of my eyes. I just don't know if I can deal with the way I feel around you anymore. It's not just you. It's them too. My self esteem has lowered so much that I don't think it could be lowered anymore. I'll always remember the things you all have said to me. And I'll always remember all of the good times that we've had. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to feel anymore towards you. It seems like you guys can't do anything for me. You guys don't want to do anything for me. I don't see that as a 'good friendship'

Maybe we just need a break from each other? Maybe you just don't know how to show that you care. Maybe I need to stay with the people that actually make me feel good about myself. But NEVER think that this is easy for me. Don't think that I just got bored of you. Don't think that I'm a terrible friend. Because I did try. I just don't think I can try anymore : / this is the hardest thing, starting the year without you by my side. Because you guys have kind of always been there. I just wish you guys could make me feel good about myself. I wish that the only thing that mattered was the good times that we've had. But the things you guys have said and done to me kind of overpower the fun that we've had to the point where none of the 'fun' really matters. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you. I don't know if you're sitting there, reading this, and laughing. I just wish that you could show that you really want to be a better friend to me. And no I'm not saying I was a PERFECT friend to you. Because it was too hard when all we did was argue, argue, argue. I wish that you all could grow out of this. But maybe it's just the way you guys are. Maybe there's nothing I can do about it.

I just need a break.
I need to do this for myself.

I don't give up on people that easily, ever. I just want some change..

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Not enough time

There's never enough time for me. This summer seemed to go by so quickly. I didn't get to do everything that I planned to do. But then again, this probably was one of the best summers of my life.

Idaho. Seeing my mom. Going on night drives at 3:00 in the morning through country roads, talking to her about everything, with my feet on the dash. Having some of the best times of my life with her. Seriously. I had some of the greatest days of my life up there. I miss it. I miss her.

Being with my friends every day. My dad says that it's not normal how much I'm gone from the house. I just find it hard sitting at home, doing nothing. When I could be out with my friends enjoying the freedom that we have right now. Because next summer we'll have jobs. I mean, I'm pretty sure that's going to take up a lot of our time. Screw it. Next summer will be great. I'll have a car mayn.

I'm kind of excited for school? I don't know. I'm looking forward to it, but at the same time I'm dreading it. I've changed so much over this summer, and I'm starting to surround myself with really good people. I think that's going to make sophomore year a lot easier. Two more days of summer. Two more days.

I want these days to go on forever. Summer 2007. The best one so far.

Monday, September 3, 2007

People People People

You can try to guess which one is you. I won't tell you though. Please just don't ask me who's who. Thank you.

1) You really pissed me off when I saw you at the Sheldon game. And I only talked to you for about five minutes. You're one of the reasons I don't want to go back to school. I really just don't want to see you or hear anything that you have to say to me. You're hella annoying. I really can't stand how cool you think you are. Please get out of the 'middle school phase'

2) I haven't talked to you for a long time. I put you under my heroes. Which felt kind of weird since we don't talk at all anymore. But whatever. You still are my hero no matter what. I was supposed to hangout with you sometime this summer but that never happened. It's all gooood though.

3) I love you to death. But so many things you do get to me. I don't think you really know how to act yourself. I hate when you get into my business. I hate when you try to talk for me, or try to state my thoughts. You're so much fun though. But the things that bug me about you kind of over power the fun that we have. It's really starting to get to me : /

4) You're so much cooler now. There's times when you drive me insane, and there's times that you make me so mad, but what I realized is you're always so chill and nice and not so harsh when you're just hanging out with me. It's when you're around everyone else when I see the other side of you come out. I hate it. I wish you could always act how you act around me. It would make things so much easier. Besides all of that, you're one of the greatest, funniest friends that I have.

5) I can't stand you. I can't stand the things you'll say to me, even if it is just over myspace. Go away. You're annoying and immature.

6) You've become one of my best friends. I really don't think I can name anything that really bugs me about you. We get on each others nerves every once in a while but doesn't that happen for everybody? You're so fun to be around. Staying at your house is seriously addicting. You're one of the funniest people I know, and you're always really supportive about everything. Your religious personality has really helped me with little things, honestly. It may not be noticeable, but you actually do change my look towards some things. Even though I do tend to disagree with a lot of your opinions. Don't take it personally. I don't usually agree with any ones opinions at all. ;)

7) Even though we're "cool" now, I still feel really awkward every single time I talk to you. Because it seems like just a few weeks ago we were telling everybody how much we hate each other, and we were sending each other harsh messages and text messages. I don't think I'll ever really be as good of friends with you as I was. From what I hear, you're still the same. And if that's true, I would rather not put up with that. But don't worry. There will be no more shit talking from me, no more harsh messages, or any of that stuff. I'd just rather not deal with your difficult personality. I just hope you learn that you can't expect me to forgive things that easily. And I hope you learned that every lie you tell digs you into a deeper and deeper hole.

8) I miss you. I miss how we used to be. And I miss the times when we could hangout with out arguing. I really am trying not to bring up our arguments anymore because I know it's annoying, and I know it just makes us start another argument. But it seems like we never actually talk things out, and when we do, we don't make a change. The smallest things piss me off. Like, when somebody says something mean to me, you don't stand up for me, or say anything back to them, you just laugh. So then I'll say something like "bitch" and then you get mad, and look! We're both mad at each other! Once again. I don't know. I don't think you realize the things that piss me off. I'm starting to not be able to stand 'attitude' in people. Attitude where every thing's a big deal. And attitude where you act higher then other people. You may not notice it, and you may think I'm just being an ass right now, but I hate it. I hate when you say some sassy remark, roll your eyes, and walk away. It bugs me so much and builds up this anger inside me. I hate when you say something that YOU think is funny, but it really just hurts me. Then you say "Wow Michael. Don't take me so seriously." When in reality, if I were to ever say something like that to you, you would be so pissed. We're both so hypocritical towards each other. I know I've said that a million times to you, but it's so true. We both tell each other to stop doing something, and then we turn around and do it. I don't know, maybe this is just the way you are, and maybe it's something you can't change about yourself, and maybe I'm just going to have to learn to deal with it? But I think we both really have some changes to make. Regardless, I love you to death. Nobody has ever made such a big impact on me. We always have the greatest talks about life, and relationships, and every little thing that is on our minds. No matter how many harsh things you can say sometimes, no matter how many arguments we may have, I don't think I could ever stop being you friend. Seriously. It would hurt too much knowing you're not in my life. I miss you so much. You have no idea. I just want to drop the arguing. It seems like every time we hangout now, we kind of LOOK for things that the other person is doing. It's so much more noticeable when you're mad at the person. Ily to death. You're muh homie for life.

9) Best friends for eeevaaaa. Nobody even knows how good our friendship is. We have arguments a lot, but it seems like we get through them every single time. I've known you my whole life. You have made such a great impact on me. It's insane. You're the only person that I can really act myself around. I'm not even joking. It seems like I kind of adjust my personality a little bit for everyone else. For you it's like, I don't even care how I act. There's nobody else I'm like that with. We're so insane. We're so stupid. We're so funny. I love us. I love every single time we hangout. I love our conversations. I love how much alike we are. I love that we've kept this friendship going for so long, and we've kept it so strong. I can't name one other friendship that has actually lasted this long. Not one. It seems like a lot of the time you want me to put all my focus towards you. That's not supposed to sound mean. I just wish you could realize that ALL of my friends want that from me and, it's hard. I don't know. I know that's no excuse. But it just seems like you want me to act a certain way, and do certain things that just AREN'T ME. It's so hard to explain, so hard to put into words. It's just I'm not that good of a friend to be honest. I understand why you get upset, but at the same time I'm just like "I don't want to argue. Can we just drop this?" I don't know. I just don't think I can really match up to your expectations of 'the perfect best friend' I know you miss our phone calls, I do too. I really don't talk on the phone at all anymore. I've told you that so many times. I wish we did hangout more. It seems difficult to make plans sometimes though. I can't really explain it. I'm sorry I haven't been the greatest friend on this planet. I'm really trying to work on it. I love you to death.

10) I talk to you on AIM a lot. I can talk to you about anything. Seriously, anything. I look forward to getting on my SECRET AIM account just to tell you about my day. You're one of the funniest people I know. I love you so much.

11) You've always been so fun to hangout with. Even though we hangout rarely. But I'm scared of your fakeness (I know that's not a word) you seem to switch best friends constantly. I just would rather not be your 'friend of the month' because I know that's what would happen. But no matter what, you really are the person that has made me laugh harder then anybody up above you on this list. You were always so fun to be around. I mish you.

12) We've hung out a few times this summer and we seem to be a lot alike. Just by reading your blogs, it shows me how much alike we are. Seriously, some of the stuff you write in those are some of the thoughts I have every day. You're always so much fun to hangout with. The three or four times we hung out this summer were some of the highlights of my summer. I really would like to become good friends with you because you're a fun, trustworthy, good person.

13) You're great, you're funny, you're the most fun person to hangout with. I want us to start hanging out more. Along with all your other friends. You guys are so much fun to be around.