I won't let myself forget it

I have so many things in my life that I should be grateful for. I have such a good life. I have good people in it. I have people I can turn to. But honestly, I'm not that happy. I don't really have true happiness right now. It's not easy just being torn away from somebody so quickly out of no where. It's not even real to me right now. I haven't accepted the reality.

I'm mad, and scared. I'm tense, and annoyed. I'm full of guilt and disgust. I'm losing my head. I can't stand this. I really should be the happiest person on this planet right now. I'm so back and fourth. It seems like every time I ACTUALLY reach the point of happiness something happens to ruin it. It happens every time. I'm almost afraid to let myself be happy because I feel like no matter what, there's always something there to bring me down. I'm sick of losing people in my life. I don't understand what I do wrong. I don't understand why I can't keep a decent friendship. People always tend to walk in and out of my life. I'm sick of that. I want people that stay. I want somebody that will be my friend no matter what happens. It seems like we all just jump from friend to friend. I hate that thing that some people will do where they have a 'best friend' and then the next week they hate each other, they forget all about each other, and they find someone new. It's so, fake. I can't do that. When someone important to me walks out of my life I don't forget about it. Ever. I never CHOOSE to stop being friends with somebody. I guess it just, happens. I'm sick of sitting around complaining about it. But there's nothing I can do. I can't forget it. I don't know how long it will take me to forget it. When me and Justin started to stop being friends it took me about a year to actually accept the fact that we're no longer as good of friends as we used to be. That's seriously how I am. I get so damn attached to people. It's a insecurity of mine kind of. The way I cling to people seems like it's annoying. I can't help it though. You might not even notice how much I cling to you. But if you're someone important to me, I'm automatically attached.

People are telling me I need to move on, and I need to do this for myself. The thoughts of you not being around anymore echoes in my head over and over. (OH MY GOSH I SOUND EMOOO)

Nobody even gets how hard this is for me.
I feel so abandoned. I know you probably do too. Maybe this is something we both need to do. For ourselves.

I just don't want to forget it. And don't want to forget you

: /