Saturday, March 31, 2007

Impact



It's so funny looking at pictures of myself last year in the 8th grade, I just saw some of them in my photobucket and I think I'm to emberassed to put them on here, sorry. I can't stand even looking at them. I want to punch myself in the face. I was so stupid. I was so.. I don't know.. annoying, immautre, I thought I was better then everyone else, and a complete ass. It makes me sick looking at people like that in high school. The ones that still haven't grown up. The ones that still think that their the greatest things on this plannet. They just annoy me because I know exactly what their thinking, I know exactly how they see their selves. Because I used to be just like them. I guess it was the summer over 8th grade when I changed. I lost so many people that were important to me because I was so stupid in middle school. I just decided that I didn't want to keep acting like my 8th grade self, I was getting sick of that stuck up personality.

I like how I am right now, I really do. It's just right. I just don't really care anymore. Seriously, who cares about popularity status? I have plenty of friends, I don't need everyone else to love me. I'm so much happier this year, I love everything.

I strive to be different. I guess I always have. I don't want to be just like everyone else on this plannet. I want to be something great, something amazing, someone that you'll never forget. I don't want to be somebody that you meet and end up leaving behind. I want to be someone that you can't get enough of, and never want to leave. That's all I want really. Just to have a personality you get addicted to.

I just hope I have an impact on you

Saturday, March 17, 2007

I love this weekend

I don't want to send everybody the pictures so here:

tasha's starwars party:
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^ cameron put that up ^
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^ lawl joseph picks flowers ^
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hahahahahaha
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pfft, sucha typical party picture
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then after the party:

me joseph rayven jimmy and angela
went tp-ing



Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I'm trying to hold together my composure

This isn't really written for people to read
I just want to get things out

I tend to notice so many things going wrong, when really my life is going perfect. At first that's going to make no sense, but I'm trying to figure out how to put it into words. I guess I'm saying when everythings going good, I expect it to stay good. And then when one small little thing goes wrong I can't handle it.

tonight I'm just scared of losing people
I'm scared of losing one of my best friends
It makes me want to change who I am, and how I act, because when people start to drift away from me I think I'm boring, or I'm not a good enough friend, or I don't deserve to have them as a friend. I hate it. This isn't even a big deal but I'm making it one, and I'm really not trying to. I just wish I could act how I want to act, and just be myself and not have to worry about losing friends
I tend to need constant reassurance that no one is going to leave me behind

: l

Maybe this lack of sleep is just making me upset

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Guilt

I guess you can say I've grown up,
I've stopped the whole 'complaining to my parents when I don't get what I want'
but, sometimes I just find it so hard to agree with my dad. And sometimes the whole 'complaining to my parents when I don't get what I want' comes out in me.

My grades came out, he yelled at me, he told me I couldn't have people stay the night until I raised my grades. That’s completely fare. I honestly deserve that, from all the slacking off. But me being human, I argued with him because I didn't want to be unhappy. Nobody wants to be unhappy. I just couldn't say to myself "This is fare" Hours went by, and we said so many things that we didn't mean. I kept trying to prove my point of view, and he kept trying to prove his. That's what arguing is right? Just trying to get out our point of views towards the situation. And we'll do anything, say anything, until we have proved those points, until we make ourselves feel better. But then, after that comes the guilt.

Most of the time we all are to weak to say sorry when we're upset. Even if we know the other person is right. So there I was, sitting in my room, thinking about all the things I said to him that I shouldn't of. Thinking of all the things that he does for me that I should be thankful for. All he wants is good grades. That's it. But instead I waste my time being with friends, talking with friends, avoiding homework. I completley deserve those bad grades, and I know it. So why was I arguing with him? What was I trying to prove? I can argue all that I want. I can keep saying "well, it's because my teacher loses my papers" but that's not it at all. I was lying to my dad, and I was lying to myself. I feel so much better admiting all of this

We talked things out, we said sorry, I told him he had nothing to say sorry for. He really didn't. What was he supposed to say sorry for? Being a good parent? For caring about my grades and my future? No, he's right. He was right all along

I was just to weak to admit it