Tuesday, January 29, 2008

You did it yourself

1) I really want to be better friends with you again. I have made a lot of big changes, in hope that you would realize them. But it doesn't seem like you have. You still haven't asked me to hangout ever. And I know you might be busy with work but, it's not as if you're constantly working. I really miss hanging out. And pretty much the only reason I made all these changes is so I could get our friendship back before we completely lose touch. You always told me you were praying, and hoping I would get over that phase I went through. Well I did. It'd be nice if we could get things back to how they used to be. Out of all my friends, you've always been there the most.

2) You lie. And you lie. And you lie. And you lie. You don't know how to take responsibility for your own actions, and mistakes. You really enjoy putting the blame on me. I'm really tired of putting up with all your phases, and all your lies, and all your ridiculous reasoning for things. It's amazing how many people have came up to me confronting me about "how I got you in trouble" I did not get you in trouble. You got yourself in trouble. Hopefully, one day, you will learn that I'm not the one who makes your mistakes. You are.

3) I really like hanging out with you. And I always feel guilty whenever I make plans difficult. You even told me on the phone that I always end up being able to hangout really late, or I never know what the plan is, or I never know where we should go. And it always makes me feel bad because I feel like I'm wasting your time. So sorry for that. I'm always scared you're going to get mad at me! Or stop talking to me. Or get annoyed with me. Because I've heard the things you say about some of your other friends and it makes me question if you say the same things about me. Besides all that, you're a great person, and we seem to be a lot alike, and I'm really glad we're such good friends! I promise once we can both drive, plans will be a lot easier to make.

4) You always seem to try and do these little things to piss me off. It really upsets me that I wasn't invited to your house on the last weekend that Patrick is here. But EVERYONE else was invited. And in the library you were talking about how much fun it was going to be, and you kept naming off people that you should invite. I don't know if you noticed, but that really pissed me off. That's sort of why I haven't been talking to you, and why I've been walking away whenever you come around. Whenever me and you are just hanging out you're really cool! And we have a lot of fun. But then whenever we get around other people it seems like you switch into a completely different person and you start acting like an asshole to be funny. Or whatever other reason you act like an asshole to me. I'm not saying you're a terrible friend. Because you do have your good sides. But it'd be nice if you'd stop always saying things to intently piss me off to get a reaction out of me. Everyone told me to stay away from you. And everyone still tells me to stay away from you. And to be honest, I am sort of trying to keep my distance until you can prove that you actually want to be my friend. I'm not saying "BOW DOWN AND FOLLOW MY RULES!" simple acts of kindness would actually change how I see you right now. Because your asshole-ish ways are starting to get old.

5) YOU'RE WHAT'S KEEPING ME SANE. That's all I have to say. Thanks for helping me decorate my room! Our friendship is better than anyone else. You're actually the strongest person out of all my friends.

6) I love you to death! You're the other strongest friend that I have. Really. I'm the luckiest person to have you as one of my best friends. We're so funny together. We're so much fun. I love us. I'm going to miss having fourth period with you. Or having any classes with you. You have to promise me we won't lose touch.

7) You always seem to point out all the people that don't like me and shove it in my face. And it's almost as if you enjoy telling me. And anytime we're around your friends you act like you're too cool to talk to me. You're one of the funniest people I know though. You always make fun of me. But I don't get offended. It's actually what makes everything so hilarious. You're the only person that can make fun of my Multicultural Studies journal writings. Anyone else that does, I will beat up.

8) We don't hangout as much anymore. Only sometimes at school. You used to always invite me to hangout during the weekends. And I used to sneak out to just go on drives wherever. But for some reason none of that happens anymore. I really hope I haven't drove you away. Or done something to upset you. I miss the days hanging out though. Those really were the best times.

If you're my friend, read this!

I'm trying to push away all the weak people in my life.
And it makes me nervous!

It's funny how a lot of the group of friends I've put together has slowly fallen apart and we've all separated into different groups. And we've all gone through our own little phases. And some of us have pissed each other off. I mean it's not like I've lost all of my friends. But, with many of them I can feel the friendship getting weaker and weaker.

It also doesn't help being grounded. I'M ONLY GROUNDED FROM STAYING THE NIGHT PLACES! People think that since I can't stay the night places it's going to be difficult to make plans with me during the day. Screw that. That's stupid. I feel like after I'm ungrounded things might get a little bit better.

Patricks leaving this weekend. Going home to Austria. That's gonna make things 10 times worse. It's really weird to think he's ACTUALLY leaving.

All I want is for some of my friends to show that they actually give a damn.
Because I swear, some of them enjoy pissing me off. Really. There are some people involved in my life who actually get pleasure out of seeing me at my worse. And they don't seem to try and make it better. Ha! I don't even consider those people friends.

BLAH! I need to do one of those "GUESS WHAT PERSON YOU ARE" blogs. I'm going to do that in a minute.

Sorry if I sounded a bit over dramatic in this whole blog.
But really, right now, I've hit rock bottom.

Sunday, January 27, 2008


I loved today
And hanging out with Hilary!

Over all I'm not doing the best right now. But it's days like today that make things better.

I'm going to bed!
I started getting tired about two hours ago. I'm ACTUALLY starting to get back to a normal sleeping schedule! I'm so happy!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Okay! I'm back

Sorry I haven't posted since Monday or whenever

My brother came out to the house tonight! He seems to be doing really good! He's going to the doctors tomorrow. Again. About his migraines. He seems really happy and he seems to be doing better. And that makes me feel a lot better because I've been stressing on it all week.


This week seemed to go by really slow. Probably because I actually came to school everyday. And on time. They said they were calling for snow tonight. But doesn't look like that's gonna happen

It would be great if I could wake up tomorrow and have it be like it was last year when we had a snow day. I remember right once I woke up I was like "Damn! Have to get up!" then my dad came in and was like "You don't have to go to school today." and since I was half way asleep, all I said back was "why? are you sure?" and then he pulled open my curtains and my backyard was covered in snow and stuff. It was pretty great. But then I was all pissed because I couldn't fall back asleep.

I'm really upset that I can't stay anywhere this weekend. I can go out during the day, but I can't stay the night at anyones house. Since I'm still grounded. And it'll be like that till spring break. Only sixty something more days to go!

I think I'm gonna see if I can stay at my brother David's house with him and Alyssa. I mean, my dad would probably let me do that. And it would be fun.

I really like the show 'The Moment of Truth' Camish and I watched it last night at my house. It's pretty intense. I'm gonna watch it again next weekend. She'll probably come over for it again. We'll start having 'Moment of Truth' parties.

I just had something important to say and now I can't remember what it is.

I realized today that I've got A LOT of people on my bad side this year. And I'm definitely not proud of that. I mean, I don't really care because they never really mattered anyway. But, it's still not the greatest thing knowing that I piss off a lot of people. And the fact that I've driven away so many people.

People really do fail to see the good in me sometimes. I'm not the biggest jerk around. I have a lot of good sides. I guess I just haven't been caring to show it to strangers this year.

Other then that, I'm really happy with the people in my life still!

I don't think any one's still reading.

I was in the kitchen with my dad today. And somehow we brought up the fact that Tim Allen is old. Lmao! Anyways. My dad goes
"I'm getting old too."
and I go "Nah! you're not that old!"
(DONE SAYING WHO SAID WHAT. You should be able to understand it)
"Dad, really. You're only in your fifty's.."
"That is too old! Most people just make it to sixty."
"Not true! Stop."
"Yes true! If you make it to seventy or eighty you're just doing good! It's amazing how fast life goes by. Every year seems to be going by faster and faster."
"I'd rather not talk about it like that. This is pretty depressing."
"But it's true. Enjoy you're young life, Michael! Enjoy every minute of it. Because before you know it, you're like me, and you're old."
"Does it really go by that fast?"
"Better believe it."

Then we kept talking about the show Home Improvement with Tim Allen.

Makes me grateful for the time that I have with him. Because when I move out, he'll be moving to bend with my step mom, and I won't be seeing him as much, and it's not fun to think about.

I'll start enjoying my young life. Just like he tells me to.

Monday, January 21, 2008

It's funny

Both of the girls I'm 'crushing on' I don't even know that well
Actually, I hardley know them at all

I'm excited for school tomorrow!

Goodnight everyone

Saturday, January 19, 2008

It's sort of sad when you know your dad is purposely ignoring your calls
And not being able to talk to him since he's out of town
And knowing that he has no trust for you
And hearing that he doesn't care what you have to say

Oh wow. This weekend should just be great!..

Thursday, January 17, 2008


I don't really like Motion City Soundtrack
But I happen to like these lyrics

"I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense, yeah"

"And if memory serves.
I'm addicted to words and they're useless"



Wednesday, January 16, 2008

HI >:o

I'm in a really pissed off mood
I had a perfect day. But ever since I've gotten home I've been getting annoyed with everything. I'm imagining me saying all this in an angry voice as I'm typing this. I even have an angry face on. Which just made me laugh


Let me tell you all the things that are on my mind right now!

I'm really getting annoyed with people thinking their opinions or beliefs are above everyone elses. I have my opinions. You have yours. Lets leave it at that. We will NEVER see the day where everybody agrees with each other. So don't count on it. Having different beliefs, and opinions, and morals is what makes us individuals. So stop trying to shove yours onto other people. Really.

Wow I have a headache now.

I would blab on about all these other things on my mind but since my head hurts I don't feel like doing that.

Lets talk about good things!

If you're a reader, you probably know that my step brother's in China right now. Wait. Did I ever talk about that in any of my blogs? Idk. Whatever. Well anyways! He's in China. And things are HELLA cheap there. Like, CD's that are 20 or 30 dollars here are only a dollar there. I mean, that's pretty good. And you know that camera I'm dying for? I'm gonna have him look for it there! It might be a lot cheaper! Which would be really cool. I might even have him look at the new cannon rebel camera, instead of the older one. I would be SO excited if it's a lot cheaper there.

I slept in today. Again. It's such a bad habit. I don't do it on purpose, I swear. I'm starting to feel really sick. I don't wanna be on here anymore.


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

you're still not important

Today was really cold! I find it amazing how people can wear shorts and short sleeve shirts when it's 30 degrees out and hella icey. I mean, even I was cold. And I was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.

Ah! I really liked today.
After school I was with Ariel, Andrew, and Patrick. After Andrew left we went and sat in the drama hall. Haha! And we talked for a long time. And Ariel laughed at everything. And then Caitlin met up with me and we went and filmed this basketball game for TV class. We were laughing so hard at everything. Oh my god. It was fun.

Hey! I got 3 more people to get blogspots. It's slowley becoming popular! Woo!

Patrick's going home to Austria soon. Honestly, I'm gonna be really sad. He's become one of my best friends.

I haven't done any work for my dad this week.
So I haven't earned much money for the camera yet. I only have 80 dollars right now saved up for it. I would have 100, but I had to pay back my dad for the sweatshirt he bought me at American Apparel. God damn it. It seems like it's taking forever to save up money! I haven't spent any of my lunch money this week! So, that's good.

Okay, I don't have much more to say. I'm tired and lazy tonight. I'm probably going to bed soon.


Sunday, January 13, 2008


It's nice knowing at least ONE person has read a lot of my posts
Hi Angela!

I'm in such a good mood right now

I'm thinking about my camera
and I'm thinking about plans of things I want to do spring break
I'm even thinking about things I want to do this summer. Which is ridiculous.
And my dads getting my birth certificate this week so I can get my permit!
Yeaheayehaeayehayeah. This weekend was a lot of fun. I enjoyed it.

Wow. Every thing's so great. Can't even put it into words.

Camera camera camera!

I'm saving up money for my new camera. It's the cannon rebel (but it's not the newest model of the rebel)

It doesn't even matter! It's so nice. I really really like it!
Okay, the price is $550 and I know that sounds insanely expensive, but for a camera this nice it's actually a really good price! 8.0 mp! I love it so much

I was messing around with it today and testing it out at Target

That thing is taking over my thoughts. I want it so badly!

I have a hundred dollars saved so far. And you guys are gonna think this is ridiculous, but I'm not spending my lunch money for the next few weeks so I can save even more cash for the camera. I get twenty dollars a week for lunch. So that should help. And, I'm gonna start working for my dad every day after school. He pays 10 dollars an hour so that should also be a good deal. AND! You know how Patrick won that xbox360 in that game machine? I'm gonna have him play that machine again for me, and try and win me an ipod, so I can sell it. Even though the older iPod videos only sell for about $150 now. Or maybe $200? I don't know.

I think I'm being very productive with my money. It's gonna be weird spending all that so fast on one thing. But, oh well!

100 dollars so far! 450 more to go!
Well plus the twenty from lunch money.
So $120 dollars so far! and then I'll keep you updated on how much I get from working with my dad.

God damn, I'm so $$$ crazy lately

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Is anyone even reading this

It seems like more and more people are getting blogspots! And I like it! I think everyone should have a blogspot! I think they're really fun to read.

I wonder if anybody reads my blogspot. I mean, I know some people do. Only because they tell me they do. But I wonder, is it just them that read it? Exactly how many people have looked at it? Is there anyone that looks at this everday? Are most of the views just from new people that add me on myspace and say "oh, what's a blogspot?" then look at it once and forget about it? I don't know! It's just something I've always questioned. I guess it really doesn't matter to me if people read these blogs at all. Because this is just a place for me to vent and tell you about things you probably do not care about.

Keeping it forever

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans


This whole post is going to sound so pathetic and desperate but this is me venting. And sounding completely unstable.

It seems like every single movie, or TV show I watch lately I just focus on the people acting in it that are in relationships. And it just makes me want one even more. The last time I was in a relationship? Freshman year. I was broken up with. And ever since then I haven't had a 'flame' with any girl. 'Flame' was probably the wrong word to use. I had strong feelings for her and everything. But I don't think I've really had a REAL relationship before and it's driving me insane.

The thing is, I will never settle for less. I think I don't pay attention to a lot of people if they're not exactly what I want. Which is normal. But like I said, I'll never settle for less. Never have. Never will. Everyone tells me I deserve someone great. And I agree.

ALSO people tell me "She'll come to you. Just give it time"
But I'm sure all these girls have their friends saying "He'll come to you. Just wait"
Sorry I don't know where I'm going with that. It's too hard to explain what I'm trying to say.

I know exactly what type of girl I want. A sophisticated, and smart one. I want a real girl. One who doesn't care about her reputation. One with good views, and intentions. A loyal girl. One I ACTUALLY have stuff to relate with. Somebody new. Really I want it to be somebody new that comes into my life. Because all the girls in my life right now are such good friends, not girlfriend types or anything.

It's funny, I have it completely drawn out in my head. I know exactly what type of girl I want to meet. And I know exactly what type of relationship I want. Too bad it's not real!

"Wait. She'll come to you one day."

Screw that. I've waited long enough.
But I really don't want to settle for 'okay'
I won't.

So damn picky

And maybe if I find a girl that just seems 'okay' she might turn out to be just what I was looking for. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Hahahahaha I find myself so damn complicated

Wednesday, January 9, 2008


Whatever optimistic mood that I had yesterday is totally gone today.
Especially because of how terrible I'm going in my classes. I mean really. I don't even wanna think about it.

I wanna catch up. Okay really, done talking about it.

I'm in the WORST mood!

I'm sitting in the basement right now. On the computer obviously. And my dad is hooked on watching TV. I mean it's not a bad thing or anything. He deserves to have some relaxation time since he's ALWAYS working. I just find it hilarious how he's obsessed with HDTV. I mean, it has better picture, but that's it. I don't really care if I'm watching HDTV or if I'm just watching normal TV. There's all these HDTV channels and I don't even know if he's interested in any of the shows on them. I think he just likes to watch them since IT IS HDTV! Not like any of that matters. This whole paragraph was pointless. Sorry.

Moving on!

Today was a good day. For some reason school has seemed SO different ever since we came back from winter break. I can't quite explain it. But, it does. I went to bed last night around 8:00. Yeah, I know, weird.

I wish I was in a relationship. I'm REALLY getting sick of getting single. I just started thinking about that tonight when I was watching Degrassi. Degrassi's still one of my favorite shows. Apparently I shouldn't admit that. But it's true. Family Guy will always be number one though. OH there I go again. Going on about things you probably do not care about.


Monday, January 7, 2008


School starts again tomorrow

I probably shouldn't be awake still
Because I don't wanna sleep past my alarm

I saw Juno today. Really good! Really good! I suggest you go see it.
Jocelyn was working there today. Like she is everyday. I payed for my ticket with all these quarters. Sort of embarrassing.

Nothing else is really on my mind today.
I saw this kid on the bus today. And it was like seeing a clone of me. He acts and talks like me and everything. And I saw this girl on the bus today. And we kept making eye contact with each other. And I feel like I know her somehow, or like I have some connection with her. I KNOW, WEIRD. But really.


Just buy me one. Go ahead. Just get it for me.
Okay I need to sleep. Or try, or whatever. I'll be SO pissed if I sleep in. God I wish I fell asleep earlier. But I love being in the basement. It's my new place to stay up all night on the weekdays. Now that my step brothers moved out I can actually come down here. Woo!

alright! bye! goodnight!

Saturday, January 5, 2008


I really really really do not like this winter break
Everyone was gone for half of it. And there were so many days that I was just lazy and stupid. And I didn't get to do everything that I planned to do. And most of the time my plans never followed through was because I didn't have a ride into town! God damn it. I really wish I could drive


1) Go see my mom. I wish I went up there instead of staying in Eugene. Really. God damn!
2) MY PERMIT! My dad won't get my stupid birth certificate, which I need to get my permit. I want to drive more than anything.
3) A job. I'm going job searching on Monday. I know, "good luck with that! you're only 15!"

4) I want a job so I can buy these things:

But that's unrealistic since I DON'T have a job. So I'll stick with the camera I've always gotten when I lose or break one. I'll have to spend the rest of my Christmas money on it:

OMG I'm so sick of that camera. I mean it works good and everything. But I want something better. And I just found out it went up in price because I waited too damn long! NO!

Okay.. I'm done with this 'wish list' it's just pissing me off since I don't have any of these things



My favorite song is onmy page right now!

Talking shit about a pretty sunset - Modest Mouse