Once again

I'm sorry if I have been letting people down by the decisions I've been making, and by the change that I've made, and by the way I've been acting. I'm done with denying it. I have changed. There you go. I'm getting older. The things that interest me aren't the same as they used to be. But I promise I'm still the same old Michael. I really wish people would give me a chance to explain myself. Lately I feel like I have been holding in way too much. I honestly just want to get all of the people that are mad at me, all the people that are worried about me, and all the people I care about, and put them in one room, and let me have a talk with all of them.

I feel like I'm starting to fall behind with my friends. I'm not fulfilling their needs. And I'm not spreading out my time with them well enough. So much has been on my mind lately. It's scary. And I know it's scary for you guys too. This really isn't how I planned to start this year.

The past three weeks my days are really good, and then I get home, and at night I really start to think. About everything that's going on right now. Recently I've had so many emotions bottled up. I've been feeling regret, and worry, and fear, and I hate it. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW. That's all I want. Just a constant happiness. Right now I'm happy but I keep going through these rough patches in between that weakens my happiness. I don't want those rough patches. But I guess I've been kind of making them happen myself. I keep screwing everything up. Everyone around me, everyone that cares for me is just waiting for me to just be happy. And waiting for me to just be myself.

I'm sorry but right now, I don't think I really know when I'm 'happy'
and I'm trying to put 'myself' together. I'm building my personality. And trying to fix the flaws in myself.

Please don't think that you guys are starting to lack importance to me. All of you are all so important to me. You know who you are. Thank you so much for being patient while I pull myself together. I couldn't ask for better friends then you guys.

I'm just constantly worrying about every single one of you. And losing you guys.