This is an update

I don't know what I want. And I don't know what I need.

I don't know if my last blog was me being stupid, or me actually realizing the truth. I miss you guys so much. I hate that you guys think I'm so content about this all. I'm not. I'm really happy right now. But at the same time I am not the same person without you guys. Every time I see you guys together it's weird that I'm not there with you. I think about it every single day. All of the time.

I JUST NEED CHANGE

I know I sound like a broken record.

I really don't even know what to do at this point. I don't want to let you guys slip right past me. But to be all the way honest, I've been able to actually put together my life and find what makes me happy ever since we put this distance between us. I don't even know what to say. I've said this in all of my other blogs. I've said these things to you guys so many times. But I just don't think that it's getting through to you.

I keep typing things and then deleting them because I really am running out of words. I've said all that I can say. I should say more but I've said it enough. I should do more, but I've done it enough.

I want you guys back in my life more then anything. But I want to know that you guys are actually there for me. And I want you guys to realize that just because I make new friends doesn't mean I'm saying I don't want you guys around anymore. I'm done. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'll probably have so much more to say tomorrow. But I need to get this off of my mind.