Money on my mind

I've been spending a lot of money on clothes lately.
I know I can wear the same thing more than once every once in a while, but that's boring. It's always one thing after another. I'm always wanting to buy something.

I'm worried about my future. I'm spending money like it's nothing. I haven't saved one dollar in my bank account. Everywhere I go, I end up buying things I don't really need, and it's become a habbit.

I've been generously spending my money on other people too, which really.. isn't good.

I really can't afford this lifestyle I'm aiming for..
Every weekend for me ends up being so expensive. I've gone through fifty dollars in the last two days on just normal things. Food, movies, and paying people for driving me around. I don't even have a job. And I never ask my dad for money. Whenever I do, I end up feeling guilty and end up giving the money back to him.

Whatever money I have is from the hours I've worked for him in the past. He's slowly paying me for it, and he thinks I'm saving it, but I'm always spending it the day he hands it to me. It's completely stupid, but I can't stop.

I want a job more than anything right now.
But I still want my free time.
So actually, I just want money more than anything right now.

On a separate note,
I came home early tonight. I got back around 12:00. I drove around with Avieta for a while and stopped by Bryants house. Something was wrong with Bryant and he didn't wanna come outside. I'm worried we're annoying him. Even though Avieta always tells me to shut up about that because I worry about people too much, I still think we are. I hate asking him for a ride home at the end of the night every weekend. I hate asking people for rides. I just wanna be able to drive myself around. I guess whenever something's wrong with any of my friends, I make it my fault in some way. Another destructive habit of mine.

I saw Nick at 7-Eleven tonight.
And I randomly got a text message from him and he told me that he doesn't hate me. Although I haven't really been thinking about it lately, a big weight was lifted off my shoulder when I got that text. I miss Nick. Knowing that we're fine with each other, and knowing that he doesn't hate me makes me feel a lot better.

Goodnight.