All choked up

"I do want to be here for you to listen too, I just have very different opinions on love than you do.. explain to me what it even is about her that you love? Maybe its not right for me to ask that but i feel like if you really love her you'd want to answer it.."

"What I love about her is the way I feel when I'm with her. which is really something I can't even put into words. whether we're fighting or perfectly okay. She makes me feel something that nobody else in the world can.. she makes me feel real. there's a lot of people in my life that are important to me and can make me feel so many different things but she brought out some of my core emotions that I never knew that I had. she understands me in a way that so many people haven't been able to understand and she shows up in so many different parts of my life that remind me of how much I love her. She was my first real love and a lot of the things that we have experienced together is a lot of what has made me love her so much. what she has made me into. the only thing that I want you to try to understand that love is love. lost love, is still love.. I love you as my best friend and if you stopped being friends with me, or if you died, with out any warning, I would still love you exactly the way I did before. I know that's a way different kind of love, but feelings are feelings. Even if they can't be returned. I understand what you're saying when it's not a loving relationship if you're not being loved back but not being wanted back doesn't erase the feelings you had before. you can't make yourself stop wanting someone and when I look at other girls I can't picture feeling the way I felt with her. because she is everything I ever wanted. the music she shows me, the movies, the books we give each other, the things she has said to me, the way she has made me feel, the way she touches, the way she talks, the way I am able to be around her, the way I feel I understand her. I feel like she's so understandable too me no matter how complex she can make things.. they are all things that I find completely irreplaceable. what I'm saying is yeah, one day I will find other things or someone else to love.. I don't know when.. but right now she is all that I want and with out her, it's so hard to be able to feel okay. Sometimes I don't want to be here without her. when I was in love with her, when we were in love, I felt so right and when it was torn away from me I was left with everything I still felt."

It hurts being told that what I'm feeling isn't what I think it is. And that love isn't love if it's not returned. It hurts so much that nobody can make me feel okay about the way I feel.. I'm pounding on the walls for someone to understand. But what's even worse is what I see as irreplaceable, you see as something you can find in anybody else. What's a put away memory to you, is a constant reminder for me.