Christmas Eve

While everyone else was finishing wrapping presents tonight, I got out my phone and called to be picked up. Once again, I had that feeling where I just had to get away. That anxious nervousness that holds me back from enjoying anything else around me.

"So whats up?"
"I don't feel right. What I'm trying to do is hard because I want to keep her in my life but I don't want to love her anymore."
"Why not?"
"Because she's done, and because I can't lose anymore of me."
"Then cut off all connections. You need to get her out of your mind."
"I can't. That'd mean I'd have to forget a lot of what she's made me into. We changed each other a lot through our relationship not just in bad ways. If she still called, which she wouldn't, I'd still answer. No matter what, I can't ever stop caring for her."
"She won't call you though, dude. She doesn't care to call you. You're not what you used to be to her. And she doesn't want you the same way as she used to."
"That doesn't mean we're any less close as we were before. That doesn't mean we stop caring for each other all together.."

...

"So what are you going to do?"
"Nothing."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not gonna do anything. There isn't anything to do except keeping on."

I want to know why everyone thinks not being together has to turn into something worse. I don't have to be what I used to be, but I don't think I know how to live with out you in my life.