Finding where you found me

Last night was the first night that I actually made myself go do something after work. I spent it with people that I usually don't, or people that I don't even like all that much. But it was nice because it was something new. For once. I grow addicted to nights like last night because it's all things that I know won't be predictable, like my life is now a days. It's all a bunch of conversations that normally wouldn't be said, and things that will be forgotten, a lot of, "Lets do something next weekend." A lot of swapping numbers and new contacts that you never really even end up texting.

At one point while at Adias I snuck away from everybody and went upstairs where no one was and went into the bathroom and locked the door. I sat on the counter and pulled out my phone. I wanted to call you.. And I didn't know why. But I knew you wouldn't want to hear what I was doing or why I didn't come over. I called Michele. We were laughing as I was quoting to her all the things people downstairs were saying to me, and telling her all the convestaions I had with people about her. After she hung up, I sat there for a little bit longer and thought about stopping by Stephanies. By suprise. Showing up to say hi. I had my fun. I wanted to leave. I wanted to be there. Then I remembered I had to give rides home. I remembered that I was drunk. So I went back downstairs and I stayed.. Went back downstairs and listened to Mariah tell me about the girl she wanted to fight, and talked to Paige about how she hates being the one who has to drive her drunk best friend around every weekend. Smoked with Adia outside, and kept drinking the drinks I was handed from people I don't even know. Going up to old friends and talking to them about why we stopped talking, posing in pictures and smiling really big, laughing so hard at Joey mopping the floor with the biggest mop I had ever seen, listening to Parkers stories, and watching Taylor and Joey tango.

It's nice to get out of my house and feel things that aren't so real. But it doesn't make me any less alone. It doesn't make anything easier the next day, because the next morning when I wake up with my head pounding and hungover, the first thing I think about is you after reading your message you had sent when I got off work asking me what I was doing. Somehow I make myself think that it was wrong of me to go out.