Memories for better times

Tonight I called off work because david was in the hospital again. I had to show up and tell the front desk I'm his ride home so they could give him his shot. It's a shot that drugs him up so he'll be numb to the migraine for the night. They told me he shouldn't have even driven himself there. That his migraine is so bad that he can hardly even see straight.

My dad and Susan showed up to pick up his car for him, and alyssa came to give him a ride home. We were all silent in the waiting room. I looked over at my dad, he had his head down in silence. He said, "I'm so sick of coming here. I'm so sick of david not changing anything in his life to fix this." He crossed his arms and looked up and says, "I give up. I can't try anymore. I've tried long enough." We all stopped talking and looked over at the door each time it opened, thinking it was him. It wasn't. My dad says to Alyssa, "It really hurts me that he never answers my calls. He never will text me back. He never comes when I invite him to dinner. I've tried everything I can.." And I was shaking my head out of anger.. "There's nothing else I can do." My dad and I started to argue about what trying really is. I told him if he really cared, if he was really trying, he would never give up. I told him that caring isn't calling to say, "You need to quit all that crap and pull yourself together." That isn't going to make David want to change his life. My dad has never been able to understand us at our weakest points, and never trys to. He forces us out of it by making us feel even more weak. I don't think you can force change on somebody, but it's easier to pick yourself up when you know somebody believes you can. When somebody understands where you are at. Alyssa said to him that when David looks back on all of this when he's better, he needs to know that we were all there caring for him. He doesn't want to look back on all the people that gave up on him.

Dad goes, "Dustin, Susans son lives in China. He's in town for the month and I see him more than I see my own son that lives 15 minutes away. Dustins across the seas, and I feel jealous about their relationship because even that's something I don't have.. Sometimes I wish it made it easier to pretend that Dustin was my son."

The doors opened and David walked out into the waiting room pale white and taking his steps very slowly. He was shaking and wrapped in his brown coat he always wears that seems to be getting bigger and bigger on him. It's so hard looking at him. He was staring straight forward towards the ground with his dialated eyes. In the middle of my dad telling him about a doctor he found, in the middle of Alyssa telling him to call in sick to work, in the middle of susan talking about how much eating habits can change, he looked up at me and said, "Thank you for coming." And he tried to smile. As we all walked outside, my dad trailed behind david and said, "You should come to the house sometime and see everything that I've remodled since you've last been there." You could hear the desperatness in his voice. But David was too doped up to reply, and so my dad just kept walking behind him. Before they got in the car my dad tried giving david a hug but it ended up being him putting his arms around david and holding on tight while david gave him a small pat on the back.

I went to my car in the parking structure and I sat there for a minute shivering and waiting for the car to warm up, and I cried. I wish David wanted to help himself, and I wish my dad knew David loves him but doesn't know how to show it.