Sunshowers

The thing that's going to be the most difficult about seeing you is not being able to be the way we've always been around each other. The fact that we have to modify our feelings and all. Holding back from the hugging, the holding hands, the kissing, and being able to hold you. And having to pretend that I'm okay with it.

As much as people tell me I shouldn't feel like this, I don't listen.
I am human after all. I can't program myself to be a certain way. I can't immediately forget about something just because I tell myself to. As much as it seems like I don't have feelings most of the time, I do.

I'm going to feel the way I feel and if these emotions end up going against me in the end, then it will be my own fault. But I'll be teaching myself about my strenghts once again. I can't watch other people feel a certain way, or watch people hurt, and learn from their experience.

I don't mind learning things the hard way. On my own.

I've never seen this side of me before.
Why is it that I don't care when people tell me I deserve better?
I've always made sure I'm happy with myself, and only let myself have the best.
I know that I probably do deserve better sometimes, but sometimes I don't.
Sometimes it just seems like the situation is a lot worse than it really is. When things are good with us, they're really good. And I guess that's enough for me. I guess that makes up for any flaws in this relationship.
It's what keeps me so attached. Just waiting for the better to come around again.
This is my weakness. But it feels right. A weakness that I can't ignore. And if anything, it takes over me more and more every time I try to push it away. I am happy right now. Despite what everybody else thinks, I am. Despite whatever I've said, I'm okay. And I will get over things when I want to get over them. And I'll feel what I feel.

And I don't care what's right and what's wrong.