Tonight this road home feels a little longer

If I could do anything for anybody, if I could hand over a better life to anyone, it would be my brother. I would make my brother happy.

I don't think you understand how much we all worry.
I keep thinking about that night, and the things you said, and the text messages you sent. And I hope I never feel that feeling again. I can't even explain how scared I was. I was willing to stay out all night looking for you with Alyssa.

I don't think you realize how much fear was put into me after that night. The fear of losing you is unbearably painful to think about. And every time I hear something is wrong, that feeling comes back. And each time it feels worse. Sometimes I get so frustrated when I stop and look at what you do to us. Because at times, it's selfish. But other times I don't think you realize at all what you're doing. And I know you don't have control over it.

I just want to know what's going on.
Mom thinks you hate her. She calls daily, and she's been doing it for weeks. And she gets the voicemail each time. Apparently she couldn't hold back from crying on the last voicemail she left you. And when dad called, all you could say was "Things just aren't good" That doesn't tell me enough. I need to know that you're going to be okay. I know you and Alyssa aren't doing good, and I don't know what you'd do if you lost her.

I wish you didn't have this mental sickness.
I wish you didn't have to take all of those pills, every god damn day.
I wish you didn't hurt all the time.

And most of all, I really wish you'd accept our love.