When all the years broke down, and the truth opened up

This weekend Justin came into town. I spent my summer staying on the go, and staying busy, and pressing "Ignore" every single time he called. And not because I didn't want to talk to him. I did.. Because he's my best friend. But I was scared. We both moved at the exact same time, from the same neighborhood. He moved to Cottage Grove. I moved to Coburg. And from freshman year until now we had only seen each other one time. At one point I decided I was ready to put mine and his friendship in the past. I felt like I spent too many years wanting it back.

I answered his call this time. And he said he was staying at his Aunt Hollys. Their house used to be mine, too. In a way. I was always there. Or he was always at mine. It was rare that we ever had a day apart. Everyone knew we were best friends. And it always shocked everyone, because of how "opposite" we are. Even though we completely balanced each other out. I didn't hesitate on saying yes to coming over. But I did pull over just to gather my strength to keep pushing on my gas peddle to get to his house. And I kept thinking, "Why is this so hard for me?.." I was scared of what it was going to be like. I was scared because whenever we'd text, I never even understood what he was saying. I didn't know what he was like now. He doesn't know what I'm like now.

We walked to the park. One we used to always go to when we were younger.
He told me about the place he was sent, for troubled teens. And I asked why he was sent there.

"Get this. I was beat up. Really bad. They slammed my head into a fucking pole." I had noticed the scar tissue on his face that went deep into his cut right above his eye. "And after that, I started to feel crazy. I thought for some reason everyone was reconstructing their faces over the summer before they went back to school and felt like I had to reconstruct mine."

...

"And then I didn't think my mom was my mom."
"Justin.. why.."
"I don't know! I thought it was somebody else in her body. She was saying things all weird, and shit. I told her to get out of my house and started throwing things at her. Nobody around me felt real anymore. So she called my uncle to come pick me up, and then he takes me to this place and tells me that I need to get help or whatever"

I didn't feel scared anymore. For a second I thought, "God. He's insane now." But I realized Justin has always been different. He said, "So I was sent to this place. Where all you do is stay in a room with another crazy person. You eat. You sleep. And then you do it again. We did these activities to gain points and to better our selves. I left there with hella points and a couple bottles full of medication. Multiple pills that I have to take every night to balance out the chemicals in my brain."

Later that night we sat out on the back porch. We were smoking from this really big hookah that Kayla has. We were out there for about three hours. It was freezing. All the neighbors around his house were having parties because the football game had just ended. There was multiple genres of music playing around us from each house. We talked about a lot. I got him caught up on a lot that has happened to me, and it felt like he didn't have much to catch me up on at all. He remembered so many things that I forgot about. I told him that surprised me, and he said, "Well it's because it's all I have to look back on. Our younger lives. The past three years all I've done is sit around at home, and smoke cigarettes. There's nothing else to do in that town. I don't have any friends. You're my only friend." And even though I do the same, I'm just so glad he still considers me his friend. He adds on, "We've always been best friends, you know?" I pointed out were still exactly the same. I said I always pictured graduating with him in my class. I always pictured being on Luella street. He lit another cigarette, "It's funny how things end up, huh?" Just about every couple hours he'd say, "I really like hanging out with you again. We need to more often." I'd always just say, "Yeah, I know."

That night we went to Taco Bell and bought a bunch food. We came home and watched music videos. Kayla was showing me the new tattoo she just got. Kayla used to feel like my sister, too. His other sister Hannah had just gotten back from a concert and was so excited, showing me pictures of her meeting the lead singer. And I felt like I hopped right back into all of their lives at such a random time. But it was like I was never gone at all. I felt like I was back with my family and the only thing that was different about them was the way they looked. I fell asleep in the same room as all of them and at one point woke up and felt so.. good. Looking around. All of them spread out on the floor and the couches. I know that some things, just don't come back. That nights like these, nights that used to happen over and over again, narrow down to every once in a while. Every couple months. Every other year. Sometimes they never happen again. I tried to hold onto that feeling. I was hoping maybe I could change that. Maybe since I have a car now, I can go pick Justin up more often.

The next day during my break at work, I drove him home. On the way I asked him when he'll be coming back again. He said, "Probably in a couple months." When I expected a couple weeks. I asked him if I picked him up, would he be able to. He said his dad will probably say no. We got to his house and I wished we hadn't. I didn't want to picture my passenger seat being empty again. He thanked me for the ride and we "pounded fists" before he got out. He said he'd text me.

I already really miss Justin and I'm not sure when I'll see him next.
But I know, and he knows, that our friendship will always be one that can never be forgotten, broken, or changed. I will never forget that night.