May 14th 1992

One thing I try to avoid ever feeling is insecurity. Most of the time, I love myself exactly the way I am. I do care about looking good. And I do it for myself only. Everything I buy, everything I wear, is because it's what I like. I've grown and I've fixed the things I've always wanted to change, and learned to love the things that I can't change.

I try to remember, there is no such thing as ugly.

My mom was on a lot of medication for her migraines after she had my two brothers. I was not a planned baby. It was actually really rare that I was born in the first place. Technically, she was in a place where having a child was a very little chance. When she found out she was having me, she had to go through genetic therapy, or birth therapy. She became dependent on the medication the doctors put her on and when she found out she was pregnant, she had to be taken off of all of the medications at once and left with the pain. But still, she was pregnant with me, and the medication was taken before she even knew I existed. They told her I was going to be born with birth defects. Which is why the therapy was needed in the first place. They said there was a high chance I was going to be born without a jaw bone and with out arms below the elbows. Or, just no elbows. When I was born, the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and they were fighting to keep my alive. My mom said it was the scariest feeling in the world not knowing if I would make it or not. I was born with a perfect face. Jaw bone, and all. Of course, she knew that before, from the ex rays. But she said when she saw me, she knew I was such a miracle baby.

I am grateful for the way I turned out. And for the fact that I'm alive.
I don't feel insecurity anymore because I know that I am meant to be here and that I am meant to be this way. I'm happy to have a mother that loves me, and that I know how to love myself.