I'll hold it all beneath my skin

Tonight I cleaned out the trunk of my car and found so many things that I should probably give back to you. My back seat was piled up with your clothes, cd's, bags, and your water bottle I bought you. In my trunk was a shot glass from the nights we would all go park somewhere and drink in my car because we had no where else to go. And there was this crumbled up piece of paper with drawings on it from the beginning of the year when we were sitting in the library. There was the sean paul CD that we would only play so we could laugh at it. When we played it so loud that my speakers stopped working. The mixed CD's that we'd listen to when driving to corvalis, and portland, or just around downtown.

And then I came across a film strip from a photo booth. And it was the three of us in all of the pictures. And they're all so ridiculous looking. But I remember that day. And I remember that was one of those days that I loved being your friend. It was a day where nothing went wrong. Where you weren't upset about something, and when I didn't have any anger towards you. In my cup holder was a small piece of paper that went along with the birthday present you gave me this month that said you hope all goes well. And usually, when I see those things, when I find things that trigger memories of people I've left behind, I start to miss them. But this time it was different. Because I didn't feel a thing. I do not miss you. There is no more anger. There is just no more desire for getting back to the way things used to be. And I don't know if it's because I am relieved to be away from you, or because I'm used to being away from people in general. It's probably a mixture of both.. But in a way, it sort of scares me.