Mixed thoughts

My anxiety is really driving me insane.
You know that feeling when you're waiting for someone to text you back something important? Or the feeling before giving a speech? The feeling when you're in a 10 foot radiance of the person you hate?

That nervous feeling. That sick anxious feeling.
It never goes away for me.

Tonight I realized things are a lot more fun for me when they're not planned out.
I'm a spontanious person and would rather be suprised than to expect something to happen. Because then it's a build up to a let down.

I realized that right once I reached the point in my life where I really started to care about peoples feelings again, they stop caring for mine.

I found out that I can get the answer I want from my dad if I approach him with it the right way. But I'm really disapointed that he acts like he's doing a big favor for me when he only gave me twenty dollars for portland tomorrow. Thats all he gave me. Thats all I have to spend. But once again, I don't even say thank you. He came back in and gave me an extra ten, which just bothered me even more. So I told him to get out of my room. The twenty he gave me is for lunch for the rest of the week. So really, its not doing me a favor. He gives that to me every week. Once again though, I'm feeling guilty.

And I think it's really scary how every single night,
I always glance over at the clock, or look at my phone, right once it's 9:11.