This isn't my breakthrough

This is really annoying. Everyone pointing me which direction I need to go. Everyone talking about how much I'm messing up. The fact that the only time my parents have talked to each other in years is to do check ups on me, without me knowing. The fact that people act like I don't know what the real world is like, or what I'm doing, or where I'm going, or who I am, or how I treat people, or what consequences I'll have to face. I know it all. But can't everyone just let me tear down and fix things myself? Sometimes I am going to be out of control and reckless, and I'm going to learn from it. But everything I'm doing to this family is out of anger.

Let me just say that I don't have control over a whole lot.
I hardly have control over myself.

But I know what I'm doing. I don't need it written out for me, I don't need any guilt trips. This is the way things have been for the last four years. It's just now everyone around me is trying to take control of it, take control of me, and trying to "help" me. Nobody gives me enough credit. One thing that really bothers me is when people try and tell me what I'm thinking. I don't feel guilty. And whether that's wrong, or right, that's how it is. I'm not going to change things up or fake anything by saying that I do. Because I'm not going to say it until I mean it. One day my dad and I will get along, and maybe then I can look back and say, "The way we acted towards each other is ridiculous." But right now I see it as pretty even on both sides. Right now I don't feel bad for the things I say because he's taught me to forget about it. The very next day he acts like he's over it. We both go on with our lives, and more fights pop up every once in a while. But I never get through to him like I want to. I never anger him as much as he angers me. And that's really all I've been fighting for. This is all about control. I hate feeling like anybody needs to control me. I hate hearing people tell me what they think I should do, in this situation. I do the opposite of whatever pressure is put on me. If everyone would just step back, and let me deal with this on my own, I'd most likely be more willing to fix whatever I've created.

Until then, I just feel attacked. Nobody knows the whole story.
I'm not going to do what I'm told I should do because then it doesn't feel like I helped myself, or taught myself anything. Because then, I feel hopeless. Like I strongly rely on people to get me through whatever battles I have to face. And that's not how I am at all.

I love everyone in my life for caring.
And I love myself for pushing myself through anything I come across.

I just want my own piece of mind.