I'm capsized, staring on the edge of safe

I just went on a long walk. And that long walk was followed by a long bike ride with my dad and susan. Walks and bikerides are just a good time for me to have time to myself, and to reflect on the day, and reflect on my plans.

I feel like I'm stuck in between two different places.
And I better make up my mind right now about what I wanna do. Because people aren't going to stick around forever waiting for me to make up my mind.

I know.. I always do this. And I really thought I fixed it.
But once again, I prove to myself that I was wrong.
Once again, history is repeating itself. Once again I'm drifting away from people I love.

I feel like all of this could be fixed with a small talk with each of you, one at a time. But for some reason I'm feeling very unmotivated to fix anything. I guess I'm just getting tired of being the one to "fix things" and I'm tired of being the one who has to explain myself, and the one who has to explain other people for them. I'm sick of having to make decisions and feeling like I'm not aloud to have more than one group of friends.

It's ridiculous.
It's really not fair.

I haven't even done anything, yet already I feel like it's to late to fix anything.
In the car today I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. There was just some awkward tension the whole time, and it made me feel sick.

Everything's still exactly the same. You guys are still the same people.
But why the hell did I feel like I shouldn't be there? Why did I feel like I shouldn't be talking?

Before I draw any conclusions too quickly, I'm once again gonna try and fix things.
Because giving up on people is really starting to become old news.

-_-