Thanksgiving

When I looked around at all the people surrounding the candle lit table at dinner tonight, I wished my mom was sitting next to me. And I wish she didn't cry every holiday. I wish it was more than just a phone call that brought us together on days like this, but I am thankful.

When I looked across the table and saw Susan and my Dad holding hands and laughing, and drinking their wine, I thought about how happy I am that my dad isn't alone anymore. I thought about the times when me and my brothers would go out on weekend nights and we'd come home to him asleep on the couch in the living room, alone. With popcorn next to him and the main menu of a movie replaying over and over on the screen. Even when he was so alone, he still tried to make himself happy, on his own. And I thought about all of the women he dated that ended up leaving him, and how much it hurt him each time. When I looked at him and Susan I was so happy that he is finally exactly where he wants to be. I thought about how I call them my parents. And how they are parents to me. Even if nobody can ever take my moms place. And that my relationship with my mom is still so strong and kept together no matter how big the distance is between us.

I looked at David and thought about how nice it is to see him smile. How great it is to be with him when he's in between his pain, and feeling okay. And how all of the text messages in my phone were from him. How when we all lived together at the old house, I really felt like I didn't know him at all, and now we're so close. When we were in the basement, I didn't mind that I wasn't added into the conversation. I just wanted to listen. Matthew was so interested in all the things David had to say, and all the things he had to show him. And it was nice for David to be able to just talk to somebody about things. To feel something new. And to know that there's still people there that love him, no matter what. And even though it scares me that I don't know what he's going to do next, or how he talks about going into the army, at this moment he was sitting across from me and we were laughing at all the things my Grandpa is saying. And that's all that matters.

My family will always be the glue that has kept me together. And no matter how much we run away from each other, or push each other away, we are the most important things we all have. I miss my mom every single day. And I wish she could feel what I felt tonight. I want to fall asleep to her opening my door and whispering goodnight like she used to. I want to be wrapped in the comfort of knowing that she's here. But it's important to remember.. that it's important to remember.. My mom did feel this at one point, what I feel at this point.. She wants the same things that I do. And we're under the same sky. It's nice to know that tonight, even though she has a terrible fever, she's laying in bed with her husband, both of them sick together, and they're comfortable, and they're okay, and they're in love, and they're happy. And really, when all of my family is okay, I am too. I don't need anything else but to know that they're all happy.

That's what I'm thankful for. That tomorrow will be a new day, and maybe we'll all feel somethind different. But tonight we fall asleep with love inside of us, and nothing else.