Love for granted

Tonight I realized that no, I don't want to move on from you. But I need to move on from you. And tonight is when I start. Tonight is the last night that I come across you flirting with other boys and get upset about it. You will never have enough male attention, even when you have me. You go from telling somebody the sweetest thing I have ever said to you, to telling them how good looking they are. You don't love me. You don't want the same things that I do. Pushing things away, or holding off on things was the only way I knew how to keep you around. Otherwise, I don't know how. I am constantly on edge. I'm always afraid. It's always me that has to bring us back together. Tonight was the last time that I'll call and hear your answering machine. The last time I ask you if I can come see you. I am destroying myself, and the respect I have for myself. I'm not weak, I do know how to leave, but I've waited because I thought I didn't need to. I thought you would listen to the things I needed you to do, or stop doing, but you don't, and I really don't think you ever will. I've put up with that for too long, I've let you be selfish for too long. Maybe this time I should of said something, but I've said it enough and I really don't know what else to say or do.

You say how much you loved yourself back when you were confident. What happens when you get that back? That's when I'm not in the picture anymore, and every other guy is. When you get your phone, that's when your inbox will be filling up with boys who can win your heart by calling you cute. I loved you. I do love you. When we started talking two summers ago, before I even saw you I loved who you were. I never once stopped. I don't know how to stop. I don't know when I'll stop.

I never gave up on you after all the times you gave up on me. What's so hard is that even though you put so much fear into me, when I'm with you, it's all gone. And not only do I not fear you, but I fear nothing at all. Every single thing felt right. You felt so right. And I really am scared that I won't ever find that with anybody else, all the things I felt with you. I don't know if I'll ever meet somebody that I felt so comfortable with. Or someone that loves all of the things that I love with out having to adjust to me.

You are so hard to let go of. It's not going to happen quickly. It's going to take time. And it's going to hurt. I want to keep us alive, more than anything else, but it's pulled me away from loving the things I normally love. It's pulled me away from other people. And it's pulled me away from myself. It's taking away all of my energy. I can't feel like this anymore. I can't keep living like this.

'Oh, these days are gone
Loud enough to hold on
I think about the time we wasted
I think about the years to come
It's getting late and I can't call
It's getting late to face it all
I think about the time we wasted
My loneliness has slowly grown
I told you not to cross the line
& leave me with your love for granted
The letters from your broken heart
I think I might have lost them somewhere

Don't tell me 'bout your lies
Don't tell me 'bout your secrets

It doesn't matter right or wrong
As long as you are hiding somewhere

Even though we've said it all
I would never let us fall with you
Hang on to a little chance, you bet I'm in
If it is for better'