Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I start dreaming I'm supposed to fill it up with something

There is no way avoiding pain. It will always follow us. It will show up in places we never expected, and it will stay with us until we find a way to burry it. It's impossible to throw away love. And it's even harder to let go of something that you feel hasn't even begun. When you know there was so much more left, and when you know without completing all of those things, you won't be complete yourself.

No matter how much I try to distract my mind, with people, with money, with alcohol, blocking it out, and pushing it away. You're still always are there. And I'm thinking, why do I keep trying to run away?

I want you so bad, and it hurts so much. Because tonight isn't the same as it was last week. Tonight I think about how you say you do still love me, and I think about how I can have this back. And now I'm thinking about me, for once, about me. And I'm looking at what I want vs. what I need, and that's so hard. It is so hard to seperate the two and following what's right. Sometimes I think, fuck what's right, I think, why should you ever go against your wants? Blocking out what everybody advises me to do, because people keep forgetting I still love her. Even if it's wrong. Even if I shouldn't. I start thinking.. let me do this, one more time. Let me do it right this time.

I want to drop my fear. I want to feel something different than this.
I want you back. And I want me back.

4 comments:

Molli said...

I'm reading this book right now and it's literally filled with life advice. Every page is saying something different that you can take into consideration.

he goes,
"He hated her. Yes, he did. He hated her. Love, too, but it was a hard, hating kind of love."

Michael Fitzgerald said...

wow, what book is this? I want to read it.

Molli said...

It's called "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brian. But just so you know, it's a war story. About this guy who was in Vietnam. It's filled with short stories. It's so good. Mine is highlighted all the way through quoting things he said. It's soooo good.

Michael Fitzgerald said...

I basically have a list of books that I want to read right now. I think that's going on it. haha, I didn't know anybody else highlights their books. I always do that.