"Sometimes your best way to deal with shit, is to not hold yourself as such a precious little prize."

After what felt like forever of waiting in a waiting room, filling out papers and looking at the clock, my name was called and my weight was taken. And after some talking and confessing to some things that are hard to even admit to myself, he gave me two pieces of paper. And it's pills, or it's talking, and I told him pills can't teach you anything except to go straight to the bottle when you need an escape. Pills can't help you cope. Pills just make it numb. And so he wrote down the name and number and I went into my dads car. And after my dad asked me what I was thinking, I told him I don't really know, but I feel like I'm starting something new. And after we drove in silence he dropped me at home, and I came in and pulled out the questionnaire and answered all the questions. The 1 through 5 scale for everything you feel. I sealed the envelope and I called the number, and I left a message, and I hung up the phone.

I've felt like my pride can get me through anything. But for once I'm admitting that I am unhappy, and angry. I'm scared of myself, and I'm scared of my future. But I'm not hopeless. This battle has gone on inside me for too long, and I'm ready for it to end.

I don't deserve the best, and I don't deserve the worst.
I just deserve to feel okay.