It's getting on my last nerve

How you guys think you have me so figured out. How you think my life is just going to all come crashing down. And how you think my friends are just going to turn on me and leave me behind. I'm sick of hearing how much I'm going to miss you guys. I'm sick of hearing how I'm with the 'wrong crowd'

Since when has the right crowd been people that lower your self esteem, make fun of you, never support you, and call you ugly? Don't deny any of that. Since that's all you guys really do. Deny things. You know what? Ignore all that. The thing that bugs me the most is that you guys think you know me SO well. And you think you know exactly how things are going for me. You have no idea. I've been so happy this year. I wish you just weren't in the picture. I wish you'd stop trying to ruin my happiness. I could tell you guys "You're all going to get sick of each other's fake personalities, and constant back and fourth insults" but that's not going to help anything. Because I'm sure you guys are happy right now too. The thing I don't understand is, if I'm not in you're life anymore, why the hell are you trying to tell me what mine is going to turn out like. I'm sick of hearing your assumptions. I'm sick of you guys and making 'big deals'

You guys have pulled through for me so many times. And you guys have been there for me so many times. And at this point I really don't know what I want from you. Every single day I think about what I've lost. And every single day I think about what I'm gaining. Just hearing you guys talk sometimes makes me feel sick. You're still exactly the same. So dramatic. So, I don't know. Just so the same. I keep bouncing back from strong to weak. I want you guys back in my life so bad. But at the same time, I just want you guys out of my head. I don't want to have to deal with you anymore. I wish the good days were back. I wish I actually meant something to you guys when I was around. I wish that I didn't have to be in this situation right now.

I think I should stick with my view towards you right now. Actually, I don't know what my view is towards you guys right now. You were good for me, you were bad for me. You put me through the best, and you put me through the worst. I've lost you guys. You guys have lost me. And I don't think we can get this back. I don't know if we want this back. I don't know if we know what we want.

All I want is for you guys to stop making assumptions.
And I want you guys to stop talking about me.
And I want us all to be OKAY. Even if we aren't friends. And I want to know why you guys care about what I do, if you don't care about me anymore.

I can't even explain myself or how I feel about you guys.
You are the most difficult group I have ever came across in my life.
Now go call each other up and laugh about this whole post! I'm sure you will.

I really can't believe this is happening.
I really wish this wasn't happening.

I wish I could enjoy the friends, and the life I have now, with out you guys interrupting. My god I'm so back and fourth with you. All the good times are coming back to me tonight. And it's the hardest thing ever. But then I think about the bad times. Like the day before I left for Idaho, oh god, lets not get into that. But I remember when you guys called me and told me you missed me. And I felt so happy, so wanted. I don't know what I'm trying to say in this post. I know you never wanted to hear me say this, but I miss you guys. I'm done denying it. But I don't think I can put up with you anymore. I'm like a god damn broken record. I keep saying the same things. I'm done.