Remember more than youd like to forget

No matter what, a best friend doesn't do that to another best friend. For eight months I was so sure that she was really going to work out. I've never looked forward to summer so much. I've never stuck around with someone for so long when I got nothing in return. And I still can't consider it a waste of time. Because screw that, if someone was a waste of time, I wouldn't keep them around for so long.

One thing I'll keep in mind is the time when she wrote
"I always get these small crushes, and end up getting disappointed. I always find something wrong in other guys. I say, Michael would of laughed at that joke. Or, Michael would of understood what I meant." And then she said, "Then I realized the one thing that was wrong with all the other guys, they're not you."

And I hope she keeps in mind everything we talked about.
It's so hard for me to be like this, but you're the one that messed it all up. All day today, when everyone I talked to was calling you a bitch, I still couldn't call you it. I couldn't say the same. I still care too fucking much about you and I hate it. I wish you knew how much I really loved you and how happy I wanted you to be. I never got the chance to show you how much I was willing to do for you.
But I'll give you a round of applause. Thank you for testing my strengths and messing with my head. Thank you for leading me on to so much and letting me down as hard as you can. I really had such a good understanding for every little thing you said to me. I don't take back anything I said to you. Good or bad. You have no self esteem, and I know you know there's more to life, and I know you hate that you don't get to experince it. I know you just want one thing, to be simple. And I know I was never that for you, even though I tried so hard to be. I'm sorry that I won't be there to experience anything else with you. To be there with you for all the things you missed out on. Even being just friends would be so hard for me when I see you with him.

I hope your quick decision, was a good one.
You're fooled so easily. I hate seeing you like that. I really thought you were smarter than that. All I can do really is sit back and watch what you're trying to build get destroyed. As I move on with my life.

I hate you, Andrew. For screwing me over when all I did was take care of your situations. I would go against my best friend anytime she said anything about you. I took care of your drunk ass when you drank so much and were basically on the verge of dying because of the medication you took. I didn't kick you out of the car when you were throwing up out the window. I wouldn't bring up my problems because I knew all you wanted to talk about was yours. I stood up for you because you were such a pushover and had no self respect. And then you fuss and complain, "Oh I was treated so terribly." and "Oh, I went through so much.. Feel my pain.." You let it all happen to yourself. If there's one thing I realized with you while getting to know you is every single problem you had, you brought upon yourself. You were a good friend, but you were/are so selfish. Of course this isn't what I wanted. Of course I didn't want both of you to fuck up my trust. But it happened. And the only thing I know how to do now is leave you both in my past and completely stay away from two people that I thought I could really trust. Two people that I really cared about.

It's really hard from switching from love to hate when it's not what I wanted.
As much as you'll deny it, I've grown to know both of you so much that I know exactly what's going through your heads right now. You really love doing people wrong and I mean that. You really do. You say "I'm such an ass hole." and "I'm such a terrible person." As if it's your best quality. I'd say your best quality is being unstable and controlled. You adjusted your personality for every girl that you came across. I couldn't help but laugh at you when you'd listen to songs in thai, when you didn't even understand what they were saying. You still loved it. Just because the girl you liked did. Oh.. I could come up with so many examples. I wonder what that'd feel like. You know, being a puppet and all to everyone around you. You drop all of your opinions, beliefs, morals, likes, and dislikes and give the girl what they want. You are so programmed..

When the fuck will anyone prove to me that they are, what they say they are.

Give me something real.
Give me something that lasts.
Give me a break..