I've become artificial

I cannot make myself number one all of the time.
I will never get what I want, but I usually get something better anyways. And even if I get nothing at all, I learn something. At this age, and in this world, you really have to have a high tolerance for bullshit and a high tolerance for getting the opposite of what you want.

Of course it gets really old accepting things I don't want to accept. But what else can you do? If I tried to force anything, like I've been doing for the past couple months, it wouldn't be real.

Of course I'm not over it.
But I need to be.
This time, hearing that it's done and over. I really need to let it be done and over. Forget about your feelings, forget about what you want, forget about how real it feels. You can go for such a long time thinking somebody else feels exactly the same as you do and get proved wrong in the end. The feeling isn't always mutual. Forget about how good it was, how bad it was. How good it would of been. Routine sometimes is nice. I took comfort, and got too comfortable. Words can be so fucking powerful sometimes. Words took over me more than I ever wanted them to. Actions always show the truth. Forget about how bad you want it, because it doesn't change anything. When things get torn away from you, let them get torn away. And maybe someday get it thrown back. All you can do really is keep trusting people, and see what it does for you each time. You have all the control over yourself but none over anyone else.

So I'll use that control to put it in the past.
I don't want to the person who carries around stories of things that have happened to me, anymore.

"You have to keep recycling your self."

You have to keep adapting.