Thursday, December 27, 2007

I won't I can't I won't I can't

It's funny how it's sort of becoming a trend for people to tell me to 'grow up' when I get in a fight with them. The funny thing is, I don't want to 'grow up' I'm fifteen years old. I don't need to grow up. Or act grown up. Or pretend to be super mature. I'm so damn young. I might as well enjoy it. Ha! I won't change, or 'grow up' for anybody.

I just found that picture on my computer. I like it. Just thought I'd share that..

I woke up around nine because I had a physical. SO my dad took me there. They told me how I'm healthy. And I got two shots. And they hurt like hell. And my arm has been sore all day. And it's supposed to hurt worse tomorrow. Joy! And THEN. I argued with my dad. Hell, I don't even remember why. But it seems to happen a lot lately. I went home, changed, then want to the mall with Caitlin, Danielle, Tyler, and Chelsea. It was so much fun. I wasted more money. On fierce cologne, and this long sleve gray shirt. Yesterday I bought those black vans with the laces. Yeah everyone has those. None of this important. I wonder if anyone is still reading.


I'm in such a good mood

I have a lot of self confidence lately. And I really like it.
I love myself right now. I don't care how terrible that sounds. I love the person that I am.

Twenty people

I know I usually make each one about a couple paragraphs long but I'm really gonna try to make these ones short and simple so you don't have to read so much to find which one is you.

Gonna start writing in this thing about every day again. I've been lazzzzy.

1) We don't really talk anymore, or hangout. Probably because it's way too hard to get a hold of you. I would call or text you but you never answer your phone. SO it would be pointless

2) You told me that some of the things I do affect you so much, and that you really care about me as a person. And I bring up the fact that I am slowly changing. But it doesn't feel like you really care. And it seems like I'm the only person who's putting effort into this friendship. I'm the only one who always asks to hangout and none of the times it's even happened. All I'm saying is, don't tell me you really would like it if I changed, and that you'd like to be friends again, if you're not gonna try for the friendship. Because I was really excited to start hanging out again. And last time we did hangout you were sorta distant. (OOPS I DID A PARAGRAPH ONE)

3) You're the greatest friend on this planet (papa) I just gave it all away there. I'm so happy that we're friends. I'm so grateful for you. I love being able to say that you're one of my best friends. You're such a great person, and we're so much alike, and you care so much for me. I love you to death.

4) We hadn't talked for about two years, and then finally the other day we hung out. And it was so much fun. I still consider you 'my best friend' I hope you know that. I really wish you lived in Eugene though.

5) You're stupid. I sort of said enough about you though in my last post. I would just like to point out again that not everyone will love you and you really need to establish that.

6) I really miss the fun we used to have. You seem to always be busy now and I know it's not your fault. But, you don't have much time left here. And I really think we all need to make the best of it. I'm gonna be really sad when you leave America.

7) We don't hangout anymore either. It seems like every time I try to make plans with you, it never really follows through. That's all I really have to say to you. Because I really haven't talked or hung out with you for a while. It's weird. Because for a while I was at your house every weekend. It would be nice if we could start hanging out again. And it'd be nice if you actually asked me to hangout every once in a while. It seems like I'm the one who's always asking. But it's always been like that.

8) You're the greatest. Really, nobody is as much fun as you are. I can't believe how incredibly alike we have become. Really, you are the most loyal + trusting person I know. Honestly.

9) We don't really hangout much anymore. WTF saying that is getting really old. I guess a lot of people haven't been able to hangout this winter break. But anyways, I think you were starting to get mad at me for a while. I don't know! We went to the mall the other day and it was fun. But, it would be nice if we could hangout as much as we used to.

10) We never talk. At all. I texted you the other day and said "we need to do something soon. it's been a while" and you didn't say anything back. we used to do something just about every day. Okay, every weekend. I hope you don't think I don't wanna be friends with you anymore. Because I still do.

11) You're always fun to hangout with. And we don't hangout ALL the time like we used to so we don't get angry with each other anymore. It's fun though every time we go downtown, or go to your house. You're always fun to hangout with because you're always up for anything. You need to get your phone back. I've wanted to hangout this winter break and it's hard to get a hold of you.

12) I love you.. and boats. I would really like to hangout more.

13) Eh, you're annoying. Still. That's really all I have to say. I have zero emotions towards you anymore. And I really like it.

14) YOU'RE GREAT. You, Caitlin, and I have became such a good and fun group. I'm so thankful that I met you.

15) You're really fun to be around. And you're probably the greatest friend I have to talk with about everything. I feel like I haven't been a good enough friend to you this past month and I'm sorry. I'm workin' on it. Now come back home from Canada. Whoops, gave it all away.

16) I remember the days when I used to hangout with you a lot. And everybody else. And it really was fun. And this is going to sound ridiculous. But, I'm starting to wonder if the only reason you hung out with me was to meet her. Since you liked her, and you guys went out and all. Ever since the break up with her you completely stopped talking to me. Just a thought.

17) I'd like to become better friends with you. You were fun to hangout with last winter break. You've always been fun to hangout with. AND I REALLY LIKE YOUR HOUSE.

18) You're so cool. I really like you. That sounds weird. But, I mean as a person. You're just fun to be around. You laugh easily, at everything actually. You listen. And you care. I would really like to become better friends with you again.

19) It's weird how you just stopped talking to me completely. Probably because I'm "too emotional" the days when we used to hangout were the best days I've had in these two years of high school. Driving around in your car with everybody on the weekends. And when we'd all go to your house for lunch. I don't know. I guess we'll probably hangout in the future?

20) I still really look up to you. Always have.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Not everyone will love you

I really need to get this out!

Last night I got these comments. And I don't want to name any names even though half of you will know who I'm talking about. But anyways. The person was confronting me about me not liking her, and her getting mad because I "talked shit" about her. And she said if I don't like her I should have a reason. And honestly, I don't even know her. She goes to my school, yeah. But I mean, we're not friends or anything. We've never even talked before.

This isn't a blog where I'm just trying to talk bad about her. It's just, the fight we had REALLY made me realize something stupid that we all do.

OKAY! As I was saying. She was mad because I "talked shit" about her, and her sister. I think we cleared up the whole sister thing. And then she goes "Well, you still talked shit about me. And I don't like that. You say you don't like me, you don't even know me. You might wanna watch what you say in the future" blah blah blah.

God damn it. Haven't we all "talked shit" before. Is it really that big of a deal? Should she REALLY care about my opinion towards her. I mean, I don't really care what people think of me. Especially people I don't even know. She said I need a reason for why I don't like her. I don't have a reason! Too be perfectly honest, I'm judging her. Maybe she really is a nice person. But I mean, I guess from what I thought of her I just said "I don't like her"

I mean, think about it. Don't we do that ALL the time. "Oh I don't like him/her!" I mean really, I hear that at least 21943124932 times a day from so many different people. It's kind of human to judge people. EVEN THOUGH WE SHOULDN'T, we do it. And it's hard to stop, and it's a really bad habit, but we all do it every once in a while. I guess the whole argument with her just bugged me because it was so hypocritical of her.

I guess what I'm trying to get through to everybody is, you really should not care about what I have to say about you. There's many people I don't like. Many of them I have reasons for, and many of them I'm just judging off what I know about them. And I know I shouldn't do that but that's JUST THE WAY I AM. Not everyone is going to love you. And I'm 100% fine with that. They don't matter anyway. And they shouldn't matter to you either! Just care about the people that care about you.

Just keep this in mind, okay?

Post commentzzzz if you have anything to say

Monday, December 17, 2007


I'm looking through notes from 8th grade and I came across this one. Awh.. haha

"Michael, I just want to say thank you. I can always talk to you about anything; and you're a great listener. You have such an incredible heart, you're really the greatest person out there. And a lof of people that that for granted sometimes. I've known you for so long. And for a few years we were best friends. Life is always (always is underlined) always good when you and I are friends. Period. I love you with all my heart. I know we may fight sometimes; but I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much!"


I'm really done with this asshole personality I've had lately. I think. I can't make any promises. Because every other day I seem to be in a bad mood. I can't really help it.

But honestly. I'm starting to find inspiration in things again lately. I really wish I could stop jumping back and fourth from all this different ways of living, and I wish I could keep up with my own moods. But, I really can't. I AM officially the most difficult person on this planet. You all are probably getting so tired of my blogs because I'm always saying the same things, going through the same things, talking about the same things. I know it gets old. It gets old for me too.

I need a little bit of change.

I don't know. I feel like I'm gonna have a lot more to write tonight because I just can't seem to express what I'm trying to say.

It's funny. I noticed when I hardly get any sleep, for the next few days I'm very tired, uninspired, lazy, cranky. Which is normal. But when I do get sleep like I did last night, the day is a little bit more clear. And I can actually achieve what I try to do. No matter how much sleep I get I still can never quite verbalize what I'm trying to say. Ha! That'll never change. I was trying to talk to my mom today, and she asked how I was doing and I couldn't even put it all into words.

Lets just leave it as, I feel inspired to do great things again.
Yeah, that about sums it up. Oh! And the sleep is really helping.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

100th post

Wow. One hundred posts on here now. Insane. I don't really write much lately though. I've been too lazy or busy or whatever. So this will be a big update.

I'm really weird lately. I'm so.. not motivated. So uninspired. Just lazy. I really am not trying for anything. I'm not thinking about anything. I have no plans. I'm just going through the days being, well, lazy. I don't really know how else to explain it. Maybe this is just myself telling myself I need a break. A break from caring so much, and thinking so much, a break from routine, and just a time to relax a little bit.

Joseph spent the night last night. It was fun. And funny. And I feel so sick today. I didn't go anywhere or do anything. I usually don't on Sundays. Yesterday was so much fun though. I started the day real early. I went to Josephs house around nine. And we hungout, we went downtown, we played guitar hero at his house like we always do, and then I went to his indoor soccer game. I sat by Isacc at the game. We were laughing so hard the whole time. Especially at this lady in the crowd that kept making these bird calls. Anyways then we went back to Josephs house again. Went to valley river and saw "I am Legend" with Cammisha and all her friends. It was fun. I really liked the movie too. I recomend you see it.

I'm still in the whole 'EVERY ONES ANNOYING' mood
I think that's starting to push people away from me since I'm always getting so easily annoyed and being an asshole and such. Just a phase. Calm down. I'm trying to change it. Like I said, I'm just weird lately. I think things will start to improve after Christmas, or during winter break. Oh that reminds me! We put up Christmas lights today. We're getting our tree tomorrow. Susan made such good chocolate cookies with powdered sugar on top. They're heaven. I'm gonna go get some more, and a glass of milk.

It's 7:00 and I already wanna go to bed.
I haven't talked to my mom for a while. It's really weird.
OH AND NOTE TO SELF: I should probably start going to class and focusing. Grades should be here soon. I know I could of done better.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


Destroying our friendship and letting it all fall apart was probably the most stupid thing I've ever done. I'm sick of hearing people say I never cared about our friendship. I did. I just couldn't make the change for you. Because I'm stupid stupid stupid and it's far too late to get it back. I'm so sorry. You never deserved the way I was. I'm SO sorry if you feel abandoned. I'm sorry I couldn't be the friend you needed. I'm sorry that I let you down.

Wtf. I mess everything up.
And this isn't me being "emotional" this is me admitting my faults.

Anyway, today was okay. I think I can sum up this week as not that great. The mall was fun with Cammish though. I got some Christmas shopping done. I talked to my mom. And that's about the only good thing that happened. Oh, fourth period was fun with Chelsea and Stefan.

I really miss fourth period with Caitlin and Chelsea. I miss our group..

Lolz at my new picture.
Okay I guess it's time for me to go to bed.
I bought a new beenie today. I'm not gonna wear it tomorrow though. Or maybe I will. I don't know. Goodnight!

Monday, December 10, 2007


I really haven't posted on here in a long time ever since I took the link off my page. Once again, my horoscope about today is so right. I've been really upset about this weekend, and about how everyone keeps bringing up embarrassing stories from this weekend, and how I got everyone pissed off at me. And I was thinking today how "wow I screwed everything up. I really think it's time to make some god damn change." and I kept thinking how I'm drawing conclusions too quickly, and how I keep saying "this week is going to suck, because this weekend sucked" is ridiculous. I keep worrying every one's going to be annoyed with me for SO long because of what I did this weekend. And I keep thinking it's time I get back on track. I'm not saying NO MORE FUN. Wtf. Rambling now. I'm just saying, I need to learn how to limit myself. I'll leave it at that.

So anyways, back to my horoscope. I always read it at the end of the day. Everything it says fits together with what I typed above. I was actually shocked how much it tied in with all the thoughts I processed today.

"You like knowing what's real, yet new information may come to your attention today that makes you wonder if you are on the right track. Your resistance to change can turn into rigidity, but this really won't be a sensible strategy -- especially if your original conclusion was wrong. Being open to change won't solve the underlying problem, but it can make your day easier and more pleasant."

An asshole at our school hit me with his car today in the parking lot. On purpose. Hah! I really can't stand SO many people lately. Everyone was pissing me off. The only people I actually talked to today were Cameron, Tasha, and Cammisha.

Maybe I'm doing that thing again where I get annoyed too easily. But I don't know. I always get like this in December. I become the biggest asshole. WHATEVER
I'm going to bed. I wanna just sleep in tomorrow. I'm actually considering it. But then again, first period was fun today just hanging out in Cameron's van. Maybe I'll come for that.