Every prayer inside I'm clinging to. A promise of a lifetime.

I woke up this morning to Susan standing in my doorway. I could only see the silhouette of her standing there. And she was saying my name repetitively until I gained consciousness.

And then she said everything you fear the most coming out of a parents mouth.
"Me and you need to talk some day soon. Because yesterday, seeing what happened, it really got to me. And I really don't want to see you going down the wrong road. I know everything that's going on. And I can't keep quiet about it anymore." Her goal of waking me up was successful. Because after she said that, I was wide awake.
She said, "I know about the nights you snuck the car out. Because when we shared the car I watched the mileage go up when it shouldn't of." I would talk and defend myself but I'm trying not too lie all the time anymore. "I know you drink because when you'd go out with friends for the night, the alcohol cabinet gained a little more space the next day." But I couldn't sit there in fear listening to her nail me down with everything I've done. I had to say something.

"I don't drink."
No more lying. I have to fess up.
"And I know when your dad thinks he's counting his money wrong, you're taking it."
She's so good. How does she figure this all out? He can't even put it together.
"I would not take his money."
That was the last lie.

"I'm worried about you, Michael."
"I'm fine."
The biggest lie of them all.

"And you'd think I told your dad about this all by now. But I haven't. And I won't."
And I was silent.. How has she kept quiet about this for so long? Why hasn't she used it against me when I've been so terrible? How did I sink so low?

"You know we both love you."
I've never heard her say she loves me. I guess she never thought that it was her place to say that since she's my step mom and all. She always avoids saying or doing anything that a mother figure would do, because she thinks it would make me upset. I still sat in bed in silence. Nervously ripping the fuzz off of the blanket wrapped around me.
"I just hope that after the funeral yesterday, you realized we all need to make some change."

And she's right..