You are the strength inside of me

I don't want you to leave tomorrow. It's really not easy to say bye. It never has been easy. There hasn't been one time where I haven't cried when I had to say goodbye. Well except that one time when I had to sit next to that nun on the plane. And I forced myself to hold in the tears because I thought it'd be awkward to cry in front of her, and I didn't want her to talk to me or ask me what's wrong. You always laugh at that story.

This week has brought us all so close. I mean, you and I have always been close. Always. You are the closest thing to me in this world. But it brought you and David together again. You both have such a good relationship. And he has always needed you so much. And you've always needed him so much. And I still can't believe that this week was the first time that you guys have spent together in a couple years. Just you two. This visit meant so much to him. I can just tell. Tonight is the first time I have heard him cry in five years. I find it incredible how clos we are to you, Mom. You care so much about us. You constantly worry that we're not happy enough, or you haven't done enough for us. When in reality, we are the happiest when we are with you. And you give us every thing that we need. You're the reason why we are such great people.

And even though I'm gonna see you this summer. I'm really going to miss you like I always do. I'm gonna miss you constantly repeating yourself, and the way you bring up conversations out of no where an hour later, and your late reactions, and messing up your Subway orders, and watching movies and laughing with you. Watching old home videos with you and Matthew was probably the best part of the trip. I know you loved it too. I could tell by the way you were smiling the whole time while watching them and you started to zone out everything around you as if you were feeling the feelings you felt back then in the videos. As if you were really there again. And your eyes were watering up, and you said how much you loved those days. I loved those days too. Plus it was fun laughing at all of your haircuts over the years. And Matthew and Davids stylish bull cuts.

I'm so happy for you. You found the love of your life this year. You're now Kari Steadmen. The talk I had with you tonight was so great. Because you let me know how great you're doing. You always talk about how good he is to you, and how complete you are. That makes me feel so much better. Knowing you're loving you life, makes me love mine even more.

I can't wait to see you again.

I love you so much.
No matter what.
No matter how far away.