Money on my mind

I've been spending a lot of money on clothes lately.
I know I can wear the same thing more than once every once in a while, but that's boring. It's always one thing after another. I'm always wanting to buy something.

I'm worried about my future. I'm spending money like it's nothing. I haven't saved one dollar in my bank account. Everywhere I go, I end up buying things I don't really need, and it's become a habbit.

I've been generously spending my money on other people too, which really.. isn't good.

I really can't afford this lifestyle I'm aiming for..
Every weekend for me ends up being so expensive. I've gone through fifty dollars in the last two days on just normal things. Food, movies, and paying people for driving me around. I don't even have a job. And I never ask my dad for money. Whenever I do, I end up feeling guilty and end up giving the money back to him.

Whatever money I have is from the hours I've worked for him in the past. He's slowly paying me for it, and he thinks I'm saving it, but I'm always spending it the day he hands it to me. It's completely stupid, but I can't stop.

I want a job more than anything right now.
But I still want my free time.
So actually, I just want money more than anything right now.

On a separate note,
I came home early tonight. I got back around 12:00. I drove around with Avieta for a while and stopped by Bryants house. Something was wrong with Bryant and he didn't wanna come outside. I'm worried we're annoying him. Even though Avieta always tells me to shut up about that because I worry about people too much, I still think we are. I hate asking him for a ride home at the end of the night every weekend. I hate asking people for rides. I just wanna be able to drive myself around. I guess whenever something's wrong with any of my friends, I make it my fault in some way. Another destructive habit of mine.

I saw Nick at 7-Eleven tonight.
And I randomly got a text message from him and he told me that he doesn't hate me. Although I haven't really been thinking about it lately, a big weight was lifted off my shoulder when I got that text. I miss Nick. Knowing that we're fine with each other, and knowing that he doesn't hate me makes me feel a lot better.

Goodnight.

Come downstairs and say hello

My dad found out I snuck out last night. I got back around 3:30 in the morning. And he was in his room, sleeping. He left a note on my door and it said "Talk to me in the morning"

I was all nervous because I knew in a couple hours, it was just gonna be a punishment and a lecture. I couldn't even figure out how he found out. I had Ariel park away from my house so he wouldn't hear the car, I went out the back door really quietly, and I turned off all the lights in my bedroom. I guess my dad just figures out everything.

This morning we had our "talk" and surprisingly, he didn't care. He really wasn't mad. He said that he trusts me and that if I would of just checked in with him, it would of been fine for me to leave. He knows I'm smart, and that I wasn't doing anything stupid. We had coffee and he made me breakfast and he didn't even ask me what I did last night.

I felt guilty about it for some reason so I burned him the CD he's been asking me to burn for him and we drove to Nike and listened to it in the car.

The main point is, he trusts me now. And I'm gonna make sure I keep that trust with him.

Bright Lights

I'm having one adventurous night after another.
I've had it planned out for a while how I've wanted things to go, and wow, my plans definitely worked out.

I'm living the life.

I love coming home at 3:00 in the morning with that "on top of the world" feeling, falling asleep with a smile, and then starting out the next day a couple hours later.

I love being at Avietas house, having the house to ourselves, and blasting music while she gets ready before we go out for the night.

I've always said it's better to take things slowly.
But I'm living fast, now.

Again and again

"All you do on the weekends now is.. party"

I hope you know I still know how to have normal fun, too.
I still like doing stupid things.
I still like movie nights.
And I still don't mind being lazy at your house.

I haven't done anything today. Which is weird.. because it seems like all week I've been planning everything to happen on Friday. We might throw Bryant a party this weekend for his birthday, but then again, there's really no where to throw it.

I saw Eagle Eye last night with Avieta. Greatest movie I've seen in a while.

We hated walking everywhere yesterday.
We were walking down Coburg Road and it started raining harder than I've ever seen it rain before. We were soaked with in five seconds. And from there on, the day just went downhill.

Today feels like it's going by so slowly.
Another rainy day.
I want it to be 9:00 so everyone can get off of work. I want to go do whatever the plan is for tonight.

I'll Believe In Anything

I think I've tried out every type of lifestyle there is.
The thing is, as a person, I never really change. I change the way I live. I change the things I do. But I'm really always the same. I'm the same as I was when I was.. 12 years old. I haven't changed. I haven't grown up. I still have the mind of my younger self.

But being able to try out different ways of living, and seeing from one million different point of views has made me the most understandable person to.. everybody. I feel like I can relate to just about anybody, just because I've lived like them before.

I've had friends that don't give a damn about me.
And I've had friends that love me.
And now I really do know the difference between the two.

I've met people that look up to me.
And I've met people who have tried to destroy me.
And I know how take control of both.

I've had times where I have a ton of money.
And I've had times where I was flat out broke.
I've been friends with people whose parents are millionaires,
And friends with people whose families can hardly get by.
And I still don't know if money is the root of happiness.

I've got around town in fancy cars.
And I've taken the bus to get from place to place.

I've been nice.
And I've been terrible.
I've been cruel.
And I've been greedy.
I've been fake.
I've been crazy.
I've fucked up.
And I've fucked people over.

I've had months where I'd do nothing.
And I've had months where I was never not doing something.
Always alone,
or always with a million people.

I've been a liar,
and I've dealt with liars.

I really don't think there's anyone I can't handle, or anyone that I can't figure out. I've seen it all before, I've done it all before. I'm done hearing how you're "a hard person to read"

I bet you anything I can adapt to your lifestyle.