I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans

I'M REALLY TIRED OF BEING SINGLE

This whole post is going to sound so pathetic and desperate but this is me venting. And sounding completely unstable.

It seems like every single movie, or TV show I watch lately I just focus on the people acting in it that are in relationships. And it just makes me want one even more. The last time I was in a relationship? Freshman year. I was broken up with. And ever since then I haven't had a 'flame' with any girl. 'Flame' was probably the wrong word to use. I had strong feelings for her and everything. But I don't think I've really had a REAL relationship before and it's driving me insane.

The thing is, I will never settle for less. I think I don't pay attention to a lot of people if they're not exactly what I want. Which is normal. But like I said, I'll never settle for less. Never have. Never will. Everyone tells me I deserve someone great. And I agree.

ALSO people tell me "She'll come to you. Just give it time"
But I'm sure all these girls have their friends saying "He'll come to you. Just wait"
Sorry I don't know where I'm going with that. It's too hard to explain what I'm trying to say.

I know exactly what type of girl I want. A sophisticated, and smart one. I want a real girl. One who doesn't care about her reputation. One with good views, and intentions. A loyal girl. One I ACTUALLY have stuff to relate with. Somebody new. Really I want it to be somebody new that comes into my life. Because all the girls in my life right now are such good friends, not girlfriend types or anything.

It's funny, I have it completely drawn out in my head. I know exactly what type of girl I want to meet. And I know exactly what type of relationship I want. Too bad it's not real!

"Wait. She'll come to you one day."

Screw that. I've waited long enough.
But I really don't want to settle for 'okay'
I won't.

So damn picky

And maybe if I find a girl that just seems 'okay' she might turn out to be just what I was looking for. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Hahahahaha I find myself so damn complicated

Update

Whatever optimistic mood that I had yesterday is totally gone today.
Especially because of how terrible I'm going in my classes. I mean really. I don't even wanna think about it.

I wanna catch up. Okay really, done talking about it.

I'm in the WORST mood!

I'm sitting in the basement right now. On the computer obviously. And my dad is hooked on watching TV. I mean it's not a bad thing or anything. He deserves to have some relaxation time since he's ALWAYS working. I just find it hilarious how he's obsessed with HDTV. I mean, it has better picture, but that's it. I don't really care if I'm watching HDTV or if I'm just watching normal TV. There's all these HDTV channels and I don't even know if he's interested in any of the shows on them. I think he just likes to watch them since IT IS HDTV! Not like any of that matters. This whole paragraph was pointless. Sorry.

Moving on!

Today was a good day. For some reason school has seemed SO different ever since we came back from winter break. I can't quite explain it. But, it does. I went to bed last night around 8:00. Yeah, I know, weird.

I wish I was in a relationship. I'm REALLY getting sick of getting single. I just started thinking about that tonight when I was watching Degrassi. Degrassi's still one of my favorite shows. Apparently I shouldn't admit that. But it's true. Family Guy will always be number one though. OH there I go again. Going on about things you probably do not care about.

!

Well

School starts again tomorrow

I probably shouldn't be awake still
Because I don't wanna sleep past my alarm

I saw Juno today. Really good! Really good! I suggest you go see it.
Jocelyn was working there today. Like she is everyday. I payed for my ticket with all these quarters. Sort of embarrassing.


Nothing else is really on my mind today.
I saw this kid on the bus today. And it was like seeing a clone of me. He acts and talks like me and everything. And I saw this girl on the bus today. And we kept making eye contact with each other. And I feel like I know her somehow, or like I have some connection with her. I KNOW, WEIRD. But really.

OH ADDITION TO THE WISH LIST:



Just buy me one. Go ahead. Just get it for me.
Okay I need to sleep. Or try, or whatever. I'll be SO pissed if I sleep in. God I wish I fell asleep earlier. But I love being in the basement. It's my new place to stay up all night on the weekdays. Now that my step brothers moved out I can actually come down here. Woo!

alright! bye! goodnight!

>:o

I really really really do not like this winter break
Everyone was gone for half of it. And there were so many days that I was just lazy and stupid. And I didn't get to do everything that I planned to do. And most of the time my plans never followed through was because I didn't have a ride into town! God damn it. I really wish I could drive

MY WISH LIST RIGHT NOW:

1) Go see my mom. I wish I went up there instead of staying in Eugene. Really. God damn!
2) MY PERMIT! My dad won't get my stupid birth certificate, which I need to get my permit. I want to drive more than anything.
3) A job. I'm going job searching on Monday. I know, "good luck with that! you're only 15!"

4) I want a job so I can buy these things:



^ I'VE WANTED THAT FOR SO LONG!^
But that's unrealistic since I DON'T have a job. So I'll stick with the camera I've always gotten when I lose or break one. I'll have to spend the rest of my Christmas money on it:



OMG I'm so sick of that camera. I mean it works good and everything. But I want something better. And I just found out it went up in price because I waited too damn long! NO!

Okay.. I'm done with this 'wish list' it's just pissing me off since I don't have any of these things

BYBEBYEBYEBYEBYBEYBE

!!!

My favorite song is onmy page right now!

Talking shit about a pretty sunset - Modest Mouse


YA KNOW?