I don't know what's right and what's real anymore

After the fourth of July I'm ready to be done.
I never want to go back to feeling like that again. I made a best friend cry. I made my girlfriend leave. Bryant and I throwing punches at each other for no reason. My body bruised. My clothes destroyed.

Sydney, I'm sorry for being the first to bring you to all of those parties. And then bringing up things that happened at them that you wanted no one to know about. Something terrible came along with every single one we went to. And I will never forget the nights in my car where you were crying and telling me everything that you held back for so long. The alcohol brought out the worst in us.

Blurs are my memories from the night.
Sitting up in the tent and feeling the whole thing spin.
All of a sudden being outside, throwing up in the grass.
Hardly being able to focus my eyes on one thing. Or breathe.

Waking up and dealing with the consequences and the dirty looks the next morning.. Looking through my phone and seeing that there were text messages I sent to my dad. The night never really ends. It carries on to the next day, and the next, and the next. Last night I walked through Coburg at 1:00 in the morning talking with Steph on the phone and trying to convince her that I'm done and that I'm sorry. And I can't explain the feeling I get when I fear I'm losing her. Or the feeling I get hearing her cry and knowing I'm the reason.

I'm sorry for kissing you and then walking back to the bottle.
For not taking you home when I should of. For my friends making your brother, and you so uncomfortable.

It's come to the point where I have to gain back your trust.
And basically have to show a different side of myself to everyone that cares.
Today I'm going pay him for the half gallon he bought us.
And today I'm going to tell him I'm not buying from him anymore.