And when your walls come crumbling down

...I will always be around

Sunriver was the best weekend I've had with my family.
I miss having us all in one house together.
I can't even explain how much I love them. Our happiness together is so real.

If anything, what I learned from these five days the most, is Matthew will always be the center of everything in our family. I can't explain how many times I heard him say, "Michael, take a picture." And there it is. A group family picture with everybody except me. Matthew right in the middle. I really thought after 23 years maturity would kick in with him, but it still hasn't. And I still don't care. I still love him all the same. He will always be my dads favorite. He will always make fun of me and then ask me to do him a favor. And I'll always do it. And that's how our relationship is. It doesn't end, or change. But it stays. And that's all I need.

Last night was our last night in Sunriver. Matthew drinks before the night even started. Matthew drinks so much. I drove him and Tyler around to every bar they wanted to go to. I'd drop them at the bar, go back to the Cabin. Go get them, take them to another bar, go back to the cabin. And at the end of the night drove them around so they could listen to Matthews music as I drive Matthews car. Tyler snaps pictures of Matthew drinking Matthews beers. On Matthews birthday spent drunk in the passenger seat. Tyler sticks his head out the sunroof as they sing to some Kid Rock song. And I was laughing, because the whole thing was so hilarious. I enjoyed that moment with my brother. I didn't care how annoying they were. I didn't care how tired I was. I was doing exactly what I wanted for so many years, spending time with my brother. It still hurts seeing him hung up on Amanda. I know they were yelling the lyrics to all of the songs, but the part when he yelled, "I was off to drink you away." Sounded like it hit home the most. I heard his voice strain so much more. We pulled up to the house and he complains about how I'm driving too slow. I accidentally put it in reverse instead of park and he calls me an idiot. I say, "Shut the hell up." and he told me to never say that to him again. He steals my bed in the Cabin and makes me sleep on the couch. And not once said thank you for taking him everywhere.

And the next day I text him to tell him sorry for getting mad. I meant it.
He doesn't do the same and apologize, he just texts back saying it's okay.

That is how our family works with him.
That is the way I love my brother.

Happy 23rd, Matthew. I love being your brother and love being your designated driver. I don't care that you're an ass to me, because at least you throw in a few laughs for me in between all of my anger. At least I know in the end you always care.