It Means Nothing

I wanna come back home. More than anybody knows.
I mean, the reason I came back early this summer was because I wanted to spend time with friends. I pictured coming back and being busy every single day like I used to be. Never stopping. Always on the go.

Fuck, that's not even how it is.

This summer has been the slowest summer I've ever had.
And I hate admitting that, because knowing that I COULD be in Idaho right now, but I'm not, makes me sick. I always think about it at night, which is one of the reasons I don't sleep anymore.

Everybody works,
Everybody is busy,
I can never get a ride into town,
Nobody wants to come pick me up,
When I do get a ride it's too late to hang out.

And when the plans do work out, I'm too lazy, or I flake out, or I slept away the day because I was up all night the night before. This isn't how summer should be. It has never been like this for me. I've had some good times this summer, but not enough. It's time I get off my ass, stop complaining, stop thinking about how I could of stayed longer, and go out and enjoy my time.

I'm driving myself crazy.

The Loving Sound of Static

Congratulations, you became everything that you never wanted to become.

What the hell are you doing?

Frivolities aren't frivolities when you don't have them

This weekend has proved I don't know how to survive, make plans, or leave my house with out my cell phone.

BUT ITS BACK

*thumbs up*

Trainwreck

I don't sleep.

Every night I'm up until 4:00 in the morning.
Sometimes even later than that.
When I sleep I feel like I'm missing out on something, or wasting my time.
Which is ridiculous. Because what am I gonna do at 4:00 in the morning? (Besides three way calls with Steph and Andrew)

The truth is, I don't even get tired. I don't go to bed because I'm tired. I have to make myself go to bed. When it rolls around 4:00 I say, "Well I'm up this late, I might as well stay up.."

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SLEEP NORMAL ANYMORE.
And it throws me off the next day, which sucks.
I wake up really early, or really late. And then I'm exhausted for the rest of the day. It's like I'm more awake at night then I am at day.

I've been at home too much lately. I've been around my dad too much lately.
I'm so tired of everyone having jobs. I'm gonna get the application for The Wind-Up Bird Cafe tomorrow and apply there.

Tomorrow hopefully I'll actually be able to get out and do something.

I really need to get out of this house.
And the funny thing is, I've only been here for two days.

Desolate, empty, distracted, and wrong

the people we love are the people we hurt