This hearts on fire, this hearts on fire

Sometimes my mom still calls me crying, and sometimes she tells me she's lost hope. Sometimes I still get my priorities mixed up, and I still get scared of what I'm doing. Every once in a while it feels like all I really am doing is filling up my time with not much, and I'll wish I could see life as it is, instead of seeing everything as progress. And all the time I think of you, but it's getting easier. And the more I look back the more it starts to feel like a different lifetime.

Because it's no longer made up by the way it's played out, and neither am I. I don't hold my love so close, and I'm not so cautious with putting it where it belongs. I'm not who loves me. I'm not my friends, or who I've known. It was nothing but comfortable when I stepped outside for a cigarette with jacob, and I'm not scared anymore to walk into a room full of people. I'm not stuck in something I made myself into. Now I'm laughing and loving and not expecting so much for myself. I'm motivated to step out into all the possibilities, and surround myself with what I deserve. I'm not being disolved from doubt, and I'm not afraid of lost progress.

Sometimes even just waking up feels new.
And my days pass by in a different way.
As I sat in Susans office today, it felt unlike anytime before. The blinds were open and the sun was shining in. She said, "Sometimes we all need a chance to start over." But starting over isn't what this is about, and it's not what I need.

I'm just learning how to grow and memorizing all of the things I've learned.
It's getting better all the time.. It's getting better all the time..