It's night like these that I just want to leave this town and go move with my mom in Idaho. I mean, I've gotten used to not living with her sence I was 5 but, every once in a while, something hits me. And I keep saying to myself 'Half of my life, I don't get to see my mom. I see her every other month, and it's usally a short period of time.' I don't want to keep living like this, but I have to make myself realize I have to deal with it
It was the most depressing thing ever going through my voice mails
there was about seven messages from her saying "I love you michael, I miss you. I haven't talked to you for so long" I didn't realize how many calls of hers I missed. when I'm with friends and she calls I'll just not answer sometimes, and say "I'll call her later" that makes me feel so terrible. You can just hear by the sound of her voice in the messages how much she misses me, how much she misses my brothers, how much she wants to see us again. I hate this, I remember the last time I went to her house we were sitting in her living room, just talking about things, talking about life
She said something like "You're getting older, you're going to stop calling soon. You have better things to do then talk to your mom" and she laughed like she didn't see it as a big deal, just realized that things are going to change. I really didn't agree I told her I wouldn't do that, I promised her I wouldn't stop calling her. "Yeah, that's what your brothers said too. But it happens, you grow up. It's okay, thats what happens" And I promised her again I would NEVER ignore her calls, and I'd call her daily
I just miss her so much
I wish I kept that promise. I really am starting to call her more
things aren't going good for her right now, she's having troubles with her boyfriend, and I feel so bad. My brothers are both older then me, they both have jobs, and are in college and have girl friends, and they don't get to talk to her as much anymore cause their living their own lives, sure they still call her every once in a while. And sence I haven't been answering, she's just been getting voicemails. That's all she's been getting anymore, the answering machines. I hate that, she dosen't deserve that, I feel so terrible, she's the greatest mom I could ever ask for. It's like I don't know where I should go. Go live with her? Or just stay here. I know I would never be able to leave this town, and leave my friends. But I feel so terrible that she's up there without any of her kids with her. She doesnt have enough money to move back down here. So it almost feels as if I'm forced to choose where to go live.
the last message I listened to from her
"Michael! I love you, I really want to know how things are going
I know you're probably with your friends right now, but I'll leave a message anyway. I miss you so much and I just want to check how you're doing in school, what fun things have been happening, how's the family? Just call me back okay? I love you"
even though she can't read this
I love you too mom
1 comment:
That picture is very sad.
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