Good morning

"Wake up, It's eleven"
"I just wanted to sleep in this morning, I don't get to anymore."
"Get up. Maybe you shouldn't of been out all night last night."
"Dad.. I came home at 11. Are you serious? I came into your room and said I was here and you mumbled back lock the door, two times."
"I don't remember that at all.."
"Of course you don't. You were half asleep. But before I left I said goodnight again."
"Mhm.."
"Do you think I'm lying?"
"Yeah I think you're lying. What else would you do?"
"What? Dad, who would I be out all night with? I don't have anybody to be out all night with."
"You were probably at Stephanies. And I know her dad wouldn't approve."
"I wasn't, dad."
"You have a serious problem with telling the truth."
"And you have trust issues."
"No, just with you. Maybe if you got up your grades, and showed up on time at night. Maybe if you cleaned your room when I tell you to."
"Why is it that you still yell at me about my room, even when it's clean? Doesn't that say something."
"What's your plan when you're 18? Obviously you don't plan on graduating. But what else?"
"Thanks dad. Stop there. Don't talk to me."
"I hope you plan on moving out. Since you're 18, I don't have to keep you here. And I don't want you here. Our lives would be a whole lot easier with out each other. I'd start saving to get away from me. Maybe when your moved out, you can prove to me that I can trust you."
"Don't even try for my trust. Don't trust me, dad. If I'm exactly what you say I am, all I'll do is lie to you, let you down, and make you dissapointed everytime you say I'm your son. Your life probably would be easier with out me. I can't say the same. I hate you for doubting me with everything I do."
"And I hate you for giving me reason to."

I left.
And came back to money on my bed.
Thanks..

Need you like water in my lungs

I don't look forward to my weekends. I dread them. It's just three days in a row to make me hate everything just a little bit more. Everyone panics to find something to do, and someone to be with. Anything to keep them away from being by themselves. Like me. Sitting in my room, and waiting for my phone to go off. But I guess this is easier. I was excited to get off work tonight. But when I asked where you were you said, "I have no idea." And I knew asking you any further questions would be a waste of time.

Everyone else didn't respond to my texts, or answer my calls.
Everybody is the the middle of their nights when I'm just trying to start mine.

It's been really hard for me. Tonight while working Jimmy looked at the tip bucket and it was overflowing. He goes, "See. This is why were here." and I go, "But I want to be with my friends." and he says, "I'd rather have clothes than friends." And then he laughed. And I know he didn't mean it. But Jimmy really doesn't see his other friends anymore. And I don't either. We work together all night, go get food, and then go home usually. It's hard because this year, for once, everybody has left me. And everyone says, "They obviously just weren't good friends then." But that's not true. They keep moving, and I haven't been in the picture. I have been missing out and it is nobodies problem but mine.

It is okay to be alone. It's okay to feel like this. To be depressed.
It's hard to feel like everyone else in your life is miles ahead of you. It's hard feel the loss of things you really loved, or to question if you really loved it. It's hard retracing tracks, and going over what has gone wrong. It's hard saying yes. And it's hard saying no.

It's easy to be alone.

Ineloquence and anger

I just want an answer for why you talk to all of these guys that you don't even know. Why you get enjoyment out of leading them on and then telling me to not worry. And how do you not notice it, when you're doing it? I don't talk to girls that I don't know the way that you do. Even when "It's just cause I'm bored." I don't give out my number. I don't tell them to text me.

Yeah, I know, nothing would happen.. I know you're not going to fall in love with every boy you speak to. But why should I even have to get jealous of it in the first place? Why is it that you get "Bored" so often. And why is it that I have to worry about the things they say to you?

I'm a mountain that has been moved

It's weird staying put in a place like this.
It's like, I feel like I can't get any lower, but I can. I know I can. And it's strange, because when you lose everyone, you end up with people that you'd never expect.

Sometimes you wind up in places that are usually the last place you'd ever want to be again. You're speaking with people that you walked away from. You settle for things that you promised yourself that you would never go back to. And you feel weak. And know that you look weak. But it's all you have.

That rain that kept falling

I don't have anything to hold onto.
At least it doesn't feel like it anymore.
Everything I love has backed away from me.

I have never felt so alone.

I don't know who to look to help bring me back up. I don't really know how to bring myself back up. I don't want to take a break. I want to come see her at the end of a shitty day. And tell her all about it. Because really, I don't know who else to tell. And she has always listened.

I don't see it in the same way. To me when you're going through a hard time, you don't push away the people you love, you pull them closer. You let them see you at your worst stages. I know I just won't see her temporarily, and I know I should be used to that. But this is when I needed her the most. I thought she needed me too.

I don't want to edit out the sad parts. I want you here.