Everyone's caught on

All the first day has taught me, is how sheltered I keep myself..
It gets lonely behind these walls.

Alive to watch it all, the view from our last summer

It's the last day of my summer break and I'm sitting in my basement listening to songs that remind me how good this summer really has been for me. I'm stuck here becaues my cars below empty. I'm broke. And I work in two hours. And tomorrow, I start school. Senior year. This summer wasn't everything I expected, infact it was everything I didn't expect. I've found so much these past three months that have completely spun my world into a different direction. I met people that I never thought would become such a big part of me. And I had times that I will never, ever, forget. I won't forget all the times spent at the rockslides with my best friends. Or sleeping in tents in backyards. Nights spent parked in parking lots talking. And days spent laying in the heat for hours by the pool. I don't want this to end. Even if I know tomorrows the starting of so much more.

I'm scared. Because after graduation, where are we all going to be? Where is everyone going? Where am I going? All of these summers we've had since we were young, was this the last one together? Our last summer young? Moving forward is scary. Especially when you feel like it's impossible to slow it down.

'We trace the sun across the sky
And we laugh till we cry
Always so hard to say goodbye.. Goodbye.'

Scapegoat

'It's the caffeine, the nicotine, the milligrams of tar
It's my habitat, it needs to be cleaned, it's my car
It's the fast talk they use to abuse and feed my brain
It's the cat box it needs to be changed, it's the pain
It's women, it's the plight for power, it's government
It's the way you're giving knowledge slow with thought control
and subtle hints
It's rubbing it, itching it, It's applying cream
It's the foreigners, sight seeing with high beams, It's in my dreams
It's the monsters that I conjure, It's the marijuana
It's the embarrassment, displacement, it's where I wander
It's my genre, It's Madonna's videos
It's game shows, It's cheap liquor, blunts,
It's bumper stickers with rainbows
It's angels, demons, gods, it's the white devils
It's the monitor, the soundman, it's the motherfucking mic levels
It's gas fumes, fast food, Tommy Hil' mommy's pill
Columbia House music club, designer drugs and rhyming thugs
It's bloods, crips, fives, six
It's stick up kids,
It's christian conservative terrorists, it's porno flicks
It's the east coast, no it's the west coast
It's public schools, it's asbestos
It's mentholated, It's techno
It's sleep, life, and death
It's speed, coke, and meth
It's hay fever, pain relievers, oral sex, and smokers breath
It stretches for as far as the eye can see

It's reality, fuck it, it's everything but me'

I broke into a million pieces

I love falling asleep in different homes every other night. And leaving before anybody wakes up, to come back to my own bed, to sleep for just a couple more hours. I loved you two driving all the way to my house and knocking on my window this morning to wake me up to take me out for coffee.

It's so great that most of my friends aren't friends with each other. They're all so different. And they all bring me into completely different worlds. I love that last night it wasn't hard at all to open up to anybody that I came in contact with.

It feels good that for once I am my own person.
I'm not the third wheel. I'm not a part of anybody.

I love being out of fucking "groups"
I'm so happy that for once I'm not defined as somebodys somebody.
I'm not defined by anybody else.

I'm happy. I'm free. And I'm proving to myself and to everybody else that I really am better on my own.

"I know the man I am is not who I should be.
The Devil takes my hand and says, "Child come with me."
My body shivers and aches. I can't break free.
Why do the things I hate come so naturally?

Will I know it?
Will I know it?
Will I know it when I see it?
Will I know it?
Will I know it?
Will I know it when you're here?

I need you now, I need you more than ever before, before.
I need you now, I need you more than ever before, before."