GOING INSANE

All week I've been so angry. And I've been taking it out on everybody. So sorry about that if you've been around me this week.

All night I've been thinking about everybody. All of you.
And how I don't give people enough credit for how great they really are.
I figured out that I always try to create people into exactly what I want them to be. And if they're not how I want them to be I get frustrated. I'm not good with working with flaws in people. As terrible as that sounds. I'm trying to fix it.

It's probably the thing that bugs me the most about myself.

I'm just frustrated with everything.
Especially school. I'm gonna need to get my grades before my dad so he doesn't see them.

Seeing my step mom depressed is really hard. Since her mom is dying.
They don't know if she's gonna make it through tonight.
It's the saddest thing ever. She has to watch her mom slowly dying. I can't imagine what that would be like.

I talked to my mom tonight. I think that's the only good thing that happened today.
I'm not joking.
I didn't do homework again

I really hope this weekend is exactly what I want it to be.
We don't have school on Friday so that's a plus. Alrighty. Bye. Goodnight.

I want it all

I've come to realize that no matter how much I have
I'm never completely satisfied.

I'll never have enough.

0_o

Never really thought I'd ever say this again but, I miss you more than anything.

I hate walking past you in the halls and not saying a word to each other. As if we don't even know each other. I can't help but wonder when we'll ever talk again. There's so many people I used to be bestfriends with and now we are complete strangers.

I don't know.
I guess I've been doing fine and I've kept my mind off of this subject for months. But it keeps haunting me lately. Whenever we're in the same room together. Or whenever I see you. Or whenever I go places we used to go. Or whenever I look at pictures with you in them.

I know that you're really happy right now. And I'm glad you are. I always felt like I was holding you back. And I'm really glad that you're doing great. Just always remember that I'll always remember. Our friendship was messy. And we might not know each other anymore. But you still mean so much to me.

It's march?

What?
Whatever.

I'm really happy lately.
Besides worrying about my brother David. And missing Idaho. And my mom.
On friday during school I was all depressed because of it.

I've been hanging out with Andrew and Michele all weekend.
I've enjoyed it so far.

Michele's a goof. But you can call her Tarzan.
The song Passenger Seat REALLY makes me miss my night drives with my mom. When we'd go drive up in the dark roads of the mountains. God damn. I just want summer to come so I can go back up to Idaho.

SPEAKING OF PASSENGER SEAT AND DEATH CAB: Death Cab's coming to Eugene!
In march! Except I'm not gonna tell you the date because I don't want you to go buy tickets because I'm worried they'll be sold out. So go away. Those tickets are mine. You need to calm down.

And the main people in "Once" will be at the Mcdonald Theater in March. I started watching "Once" at Andrews house with Michele, and him. But we didn't finish it because we decided to prank call Tahani's friends, and shoot nurf guns at each other instead. But from what I watched, it was really good.

Okay. Well since it's 3:00 in the morning I should probably go to bed.
I'm still sick. Sleep would probably be good for me.
Goodnight readers!

I love it

I love finding out that I'm somebodys rolemodel.
And finding out somebody looks up to me.

Okay so let me update

I've been going out of my mind this week.
First of all, I'm really sick. My throat hurts so much. And my head feels like it's ten thousand pounds. My eyes keep watering, too. It always looks like I'm about to cry. But the worst thing is probably my throat. I mean, I can't even swallow water.
Second, my classes are driving me insane. Every day after second period at Ramseys house, Caitlin and I complain about how much we don't want to go back to school. And how we just want to relax for the rest of the day. But too bad we can't do that.

I'm having the worst night ever tonight

I just got off the phone with my mom. We were talking about my brother.
And it completely just changed my mood from the mood I was in when I started writing this blog.

I'm really worried about him.
He has a blood disease now and it's really starting to worry me.

I don't think I really wanna write anymore tonight

Goodnight